DEAR ABBY: I’ve been friends with a married couple for over 40 years and knew them both before they knew each other. She’s popular, has a great sense of humor and is an excellent wife, mother, grandmother, neighbor, etc. I actually became “friends” with the husband first (quotes because he basically forced his friendship on me).
Recently, I realized I like her more than I like him, and I know she likes me. (She mentioned it to him before they married.) He has some character issues and has cheated on her in the past. It’s my belief that if I were to continue being friends with them, there would be an affair. (These things tend to sneak up on people.)
I’m semi-retired and ready to move to a warmer climate, and I want to have closure in our friendship to avoid a future awkward moment. I think the best way is to explain to them at the same time that the reason for my avoidance is because I am fonder of her than him. How do you recommend I address this issue? — CHARACTER WINS ESTEEM
DEAR CHARACTER: This type of “closure” would serve no constructive purpose. His infidelity is none of your business, and it’s not your place to teach him a lesson about character. Instead of hurting your friend’s feelings at the moment you exit his life, bid him and his wife a fond farewell, thanking them both for all the good memories you share. Do not maintain contact with the wife after you move. An affair can’t “sneak up” on you unless you leave the door open.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a first-time grandma. I’d like to move back to Texas to be closer to my grandbabies. My family all lives here in California, including my mom. My adult kids have amazing jobs where they are. It would just be easier for my husband and me to move back so I can be with them.
My brother and all his children and grandchildren live close to where Mom is living, so she won’t be left alone. I would like for her to come meet her great-grandkids as she has done with my brother’s grandkids, but she doesn’t want to do it because she feels her great-grandchildren here wouldn’t know her. I am asking only for her to come live with me a few months to get to see the little ones. Am I a bad person for wanting to have my time now with all my kids? — PLANNING A MOVE
DEAR PLANNING: You are not a “bad person” for wanting to establish a relationship with your grandchildren. There is a defined role that grandparents can play in a child’s life. However, due to the complications of age, great-grandparents can be forgiven for not wanting to play a similar role. If your mother is up there in age and reluctant to travel, don’t force it. Go, enjoy your time with your grandchildren, visit your mother as often as is feasible and bring pictures and videos for her to enjoy.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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