There’s nothing more off-putting than a person bragging about something while simultaneously engaging in self-deprecation, only to appear humble and relatable. Unfortunately, many of us—myself included—engage in this behavior without even realizing it. Also known as “humblebragging,” this action is rarely well-received. In fact, you’d be better off just outright flaunting your success or blessings without the fake humility.
What Is a Humblebrag?
Coined by comedic writer Harris Wittels, a humblebrag is “a specific type of boast that allows the offender to broadcast their achievements without the necessary shame and guilt that should normally accompany such claims.”
Redditors on this post provided some great examples of humblebrags:
- “The wifi here backstage in the green room at the Kanye concert is so shitty! I need a better phone.”
- “My life sucks. Had to buy the new Ferrari in blue because red won’t be available for six months.”
- “Lol, I lost so much weight; now I have to buy more clothes #fml”
You get the point.
Self-deprecation (typically fake) is usually at the core of these humblebrags. Individuals making these statements often attempt to appear relatable while also boasting about their blessings.
“I’d call it a mostly negative habit, not because the person is arrogant, but because it backfires,” says Dr. Maritsa Yzaguirre-Kelley, DCM, LMHC, founder of Peace of Mind Evaluation and Consulting Services and Obtaining Mastery in Boca Raton. “Listeners reliably detect the brag underneath, and the disguise reads as less honest than a straightforward celebration would have been.”
Why Do People Engage in Humbebragging?
According to Mariana Plata, MSc, child and adolescent clinical psychologist, educator, speaker, and mental health writer for Psychology Today, “If I could summarize the reason as to why I think we humblebrag so often, I would choose only one word: shame.”
“We humblebrag to avoid this unpleasant feeling that lurks over us,” she continues in her article on the topic. “We disguise our bragging of something we have with fake humility because we have been taught to hide our successes.”
My two cents? If you want to brag, say it with your chest instead of hiding behind fake humility. You’re allowed to feel proud of and excited about your accomplishments and blessings.
Bragging vs. Celebrating
As Plata notes in her article, “There’s a fine line between celebrating your successes and bragging. The first one is authentically owning what you’ve achieved and the hard work that’s taken for you to get there. But don’t try to disguise them based on shame or competition. Own your successes and flaunt them. Because if you’ve worked hard to achieve something, you are allowed to flaunt it shamelessly, but always [balance] it … with empathy and compassion.”
This discussion reminds me of a sentiment from one of my favorite authors and influencers, Florence Given. Given preaches the importance of audacity—of refusing to stay small while allowing others to ask, “Who does she think she is?!”
Women, especially, are taught to make do with their “humble crumble,” as Given calls it. But we all are worthy of an abundant feast. You don’t need to be humble about the accomplishments you worked tirelessly to achieve. Rather than bragging with pretension, own your success with shameless pride.
“The alternative I teach clients is clean ownership plus internal anchoring: share the win plainly with people who are safe and build the slower confidence that comes from keeping promises to yourself, which never needs an audience to hold up,” Plata concludes.
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