Erin Lee Carr came across a striking photo on Hinge in August 2023 that she could not scroll past. It was of Michelle Toni Bruton, who’d had top surgery in 2018, shirtless on a horse.
“I’m going to kiss this person,” Carr told her friends.
The two met up for ice cream at Magpies Softserve in the Highland Park neighborhood of Los Angeles. Bruton, 43, was nervous because she had done some internet sleuthing and read about half of Carr’s Wikipedia page before slamming her laptop shut.
“I started to feel myself get really intimidated and really anxious,” said Bruton, who goes by Mish.
Carr, 38, grew up in Montclair, N.J. She works as a documentary filmmaker, writer and director. Her work includes directing Netflix’s “Britney vs Spears” and cocreating Hulu’s “Murdaugh: Death in the Family.” She is the daughter of David Carr, a longtime New York Times reporter and media columnist who died in 2015.
Bruton, 43, grew up in Canberra, Australia. She works as a creative manager at 505 Games, a video game publisher based in Milan, Italy.
Carr, who is polyamorous, was in another relationship with a primary partner, and she was selective about her time. She gave each date 30 minutes to determine whether there was a fit.
“I can’t do small talk,” Carr said. “It frustrates me when so many things are going on in the world, like, let’s have an ethical debate about something.” She could tell that Bruton wasn’t comfortable around her.
But around the 27th minute, when Carr asked Bruton about her mother, who is from Tashkent, Uzbekistan, Bruton began to open up. Carr and Bruton, who both use she/they pronouns, started talking about their fathers, both of whom had died at different points in their lives. Bruton’s father died in 1988.
All of a sudden, two hours had passed, and Bruton had to leave for a Dungeons & Dragons game she had scheduled. “That’s a level of nerdy that I was like, ‘I don’t know, is this going to be a fit?’” Carr said, jokingly. But she gave Bruton a hug as a show of interest.
“Uh-oh, this one’s going to be quote-unquote trouble,” Bruton recalled thinking.
The two met later that week for a picnic at Echo Park, where swan boats glided along the lake beside them. Bruton baked Carr an apple pie.
“In L.A., someone is not going to make you a homemade pie unless they really like you,” Carr said. “And I said, ‘You can kiss me now.’”
As they spent more time together, Bruton said she appreciated that Carr was a good listener and “an expert question asker.” And Carr felt that her body could relax when she was with Bruton. She had been used to more chaotic experiences with love. Her experience with Bruton, she said, “forged a different path for me.”
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But about three months after their first date, Bruton was having doubts about dating Carr. Bruton said she felt that Carr’s other relationship was “taking up a bit more space in ours than I was really looking for.” Bruton recalled her therapist telling her, “You have to not make a decision based in fear,” and encouraging her to have a conversation with Carr. The two were able to talk vulnerably about their relationship and decided to move forward together.
When the two visited Carr’s secondary home in Woodbridge, Conn., in May 2024, they discovered that their relationship had more lasting potential than they had initially realized. “All the work, stress and worries that usually get in the way seemed to dissipate, and we just folded into this very natural, domestic life together,” Carr said.
“What I’ve made note of is that the happiest times in my life is when I don’t have the 87-point to-do list,” Carr said. “But it’s me and Mish at my house in Connecticut, wearing pajamas, gossiping and then doing our little crafts.”
Though both are polyamorous, they are not currently dating others. (Carr’s former relationship ended amicably, and her ex attended the couple’s wedding.) “We’re building the foundation of our marriage,” Carr said. “And I think in order to be poly, you need to have a really, really good foundation.”
In January 2025, the couple moved into a house in Highland Park. In August 2026, Carr, who graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with a bachelor’s degree in communication arts, proposed just outside of Paris while on vacation.
On Oct. 13, the couple were married at the Santa Barbara County Courthouse by Adrienne Koroshec, a deputy commissioner of civil marriages. A dinner with 32 guests nearby at Gala Restaurant in Santa Barbara followed.
The couple just had one requirement: that each guest prepare a speech. The toasts continued until the cake was cut.
Then, the couple and about 10 of their guests walked over to Wildcat Lounge, where they danced for hours.
“We tore up Santa Barbara on a Tuesday night,” Bruton said.
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