Are you in a relationship with someone who continuously downplays your emotions and experiences? You might be facing microdismissals, or the acts of subtly brushing off a partner’s feelings, boundaries, or needs. When done in excess, this habit can be incredibly invalidating and lead to disconnect within a relationship.
What Is Microdissmal?
According to Dr. Alexandra Foglia, DMFT, the Director of Family Program at All in Solutions, a network of treatment centers located in Florida, New Jersey, and California, “Microdismissal describes subtle, often repeated ways of dismissing someone’s feelings rather than merely one distracted response.”
“For example, a possible sign that someone doesn’t respect your boundaries is repeatedly interrupting or changing the conversation when you’re sharing something important to you,” Foglia states. “Bottom line, then, a pattern is behavior that we return to time after time, that we do without necessarily thinking about.”
Microdismissal can show up in a variety of ways, from talking over someone to laughing off their feelings. Sometimes, these habits appear to be in good fun. But over time, they can eat away at the other person’s confidence, sense of security, and emotional safety within the relationship.
“Another sign is selective engagement,” says Foglia. “For example, eye rolling is often used to express impatience. When eye rolling is used with sarcasm, it often reduces trust. Sometimes, humor can be used to dismiss someone’s feelings. No one deserves to have their feelings invalidated by being told that they are being dramatic.”
Impacts of Microdismissal
As state above, microdismissal can leave someone feeling insecure and disconnected within their own relationship.
“The impact depends on frequency, context, and repair,” says Foglia. “Experiencing accidental or intentional social rejection can easily contribute to feelings of invisibility.”
As these emotions build, you might begin to resent your partner and how they treat you, which only widens the gap between you two.
“Resentment can build if you have difficulty expressing your true feelings about issues within your relationship,” Foglia says. “Ultimately, a relationship with a high level of conflict can lead to resentment and anger, causing one or both partners to feel estranged from one another.”
Why Might Someone Microdismiss Others?
In my own experience, I’ve endured microdismissal from individuals who consistently dismiss their own traumas, feelings, and needs. This might stem from shame, chronic invalidation, or conflict avoidance in their past. Sometimes, acknowledging someone else’s experience means acknowledging our own. If we’re not ready to do that, it might present as microdismissal toward our partners.
“Some people engage in microdismissal because conflict feels threatening, but these reasons do not erase the behavior’s impact,” Foglia says. “They may withhold their own emotions from others, never letting them see when they are afraid, sad, or angry.”
This behavior isn’t always intentional, either. In fact, many people simply don’t know how to process their own emotions or sit with their own discomfort. Instead of engaging in further conversation, they laugh or brush it off.
“There are times, of course, when laughter is used to cover up anxiety or to escape from the experience of facing threatening material. But the gap can be bridged by open and honest communication,” says Foglia. “By approaching your partner thoughtfully, you can create a space for honest conversation and shared growth.”
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