On the last day of every month, my husband and I sit down for what we call a money meeting — a monthly money date where we discuss our household finances. We look at how much we each earned that month, our fixed and variable expenses, our savings and investment accounts, and discuss any financial decisions we need to make.
I used to dread these money dates, but they’re such a regular part of our lives, I don’t mind them anymore. In fact, I actually look forward to sitting down with my husband and seeing all of our numbers laid out.
We started having monthly money dates when we first moved in together, almost 10 years ago, and haven’t missed a month since. I firmly believe that being open about our financial situation on a regular basis is the reason my husband and I have never fought about money.
At first, sharing finances was intimidating
When my husband and I first moved in together, we weren’t in the best financial situation. I wasn’t earning a lot of money as a new freelance writer, and he had student debt and car payments.
Our first time sitting down to talk solely about money was scary, but we both committed to being vulnerable and completely open about our financial situations.
We made a pact that these monthly money chats weren’t about shaming the other person for their spending or feeling guilty about past debt. The goal was to share, without judgment, and figure out how we could use our money to reach our goals.
Sharing those numbers got easier the more often we did it. Eventually, money went from something taboo that we were insecure about to something we were excited to discuss and make work for us.
By having a monthly money date on the calendar, it meant one person wasn’t responsible for bringing up the money conversation. It was something we automatically did each month.
Our financial system changed over the years but we never stopped talking about it
My husband and I had separate bank accounts when we first moved in together in 2017. We then opened a joint account for rent and household expenses. As time went on, we found that more and more things were coming out of the joint account.
Eventually, we decided to combine our finances completely. We now have fully joint bank accounts, and we have access to each other’s retirement accounts and credit cards, as well.
For us, this system works. It makes it simpler for us to pay bills, buy groceries, and make decisions about bigger expenses, like travel and day care. We trust each other to spend reasonably on the day-to-day stuff and always discuss any big purchases ahead of time.
But I know completely combined finances doesn’t work for everyone.
Even when our accounts were separate, we still made sure to talk about finances every month and used the time to share how much we were each earning, spending, and saving. That transparency made it easier for us to build trust, reduce resentment, and work toward future plans.
We look at our money as a tool to achieve our goals
One of my favorite parts of our monthly money dates is deciding what to do with any leftover funds after paying our bills and expenses, which is a privilege to be able to do.
My husband and I have many savings goals (some are shared, and some are just his or just mine), such as saving up for travel, for retirement, for our daughter’s college fund, and even a fun account for things my husband wants to buy, like video games or bike parts. It’s really exciting to be able to fund those accounts and see our money helping us get closer to our dream life.
But even when we don’t have extra money to put into savings or investments, I’m still so glad we have our monthly money meeting. I like getting on the same page with my husband and knowing we can talk openly about our financial picture.
I know money is something that a lot of couples fight about. Even though it’s hard — and perhaps especially when it is — my biggest tip for new couples is to start talking openly about your finances from day one. It’s better than letting years of shameful spending, debt, or money secrets build into resentment that could ruin your relationship.
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