This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Rose Marie Obey, an 80-year-old widow living in a retirement community in Ambler, Pennsylvania. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
After my husband of 54 years, Lee, died last year, I knew I didn’t want to stay in our big house. I visited a friend at a retirement community and didn’t like it, but I found another community, Gwynedd Estates in Ambler, Pennsylvania, that appealed to me more.
It’s pretty. It’s white. I like how they keep the lawn. I have a parking space. It’s quiet. When I walk in the door, it feels like I’m coming home. Yet when I first saw it, I kept looking for things I didn’t like because I didn’t want the stress of moving.
I asked myself, “Why shouldn’t you do it?” What’s going to be so negative?” I prayed to avoid the stress of moving, but now that I’ve sold my house and made the move, I feel good about it.
I didn’t know if I would move because I had so many people around me
I had lived in my house for 44 years, and I had family and friends to support me. One of my reservations was that some of my best friends live on either side of my house. I didn’t want someone to move into my house who might play loud music. I prayed really hard about this.
However, I didn’t believe in having people come help me with the house all the time, and there were finances to consider.
I worked for Merck, a pharmaceutical company, for 27 years in regulatory affairs
I had been a union worker, but my manager told me that if I became salaried, there would be advantages, so I switched and took advantage of the retirement plan match. I stuck with that. If there’s a match, why wouldn’t anybody take advantage of it?
I retired in 2004 and took my retirement savings as a lump sum when I left. I hired a financial advisor, and they’re investing it very well. We meet three times a year in person. I asked my financial advisor to help me do some number crunching before I moved.
Lee had life insurance, and there would also be the sale of the house. Moving would be a form of security for me.
I don’t work anymore, but I stay busy
I go to various nursing homes and conduct Bible studies. I’m out almost every day. The phone rings, and I go. I’m 80, but I still drive.
I decided to list the house in January, and it sold quickly. I wasn’t trying to make a lot of money. With all the expenses of owning a house and worrying about a tree falling on it, selling lifted a lot of stress off me. I sold it for $435,000.
For many people, including me, the sale of their house pays for the entrance fee to a retirement community
I moved into the community in January, and my entrance fee was $162,900. My community is just six minutes from my old house, so I didn’t move too far away.
I also had to pay a $200 nonrefundable application fee. My monthly fee is $3,482, and that includes everything: Comcast, utilities, snow removal, and lawn care. I can turn up my AC as much as I like.
I knew moving was the right choice because everything happened on time
I had prayed really hard about this. Everything fell into place. I talked it over with my sisters, who also live alone.
My granddaughter stays with me overnight, maybe two nights a week. She’s 5. I still wanted to be able to keep Ava. I asked the community if it would be OK for her to stay for several days. They said, “No problem.” She just can’t live here.
My daughter lives in Landsdale, and my granddaughter is in day care, so I pick her up from day care four miles away.
There are lots of activities here
They have lectures and movies. The fitness programs are my favorite. I knew that was what I wanted to get involved in. I’m saying ‘no’ to everything except fitness until I get acclimated. I ride the bike.
It’s good to know there are other things to do, and I won’t get bored, even if I’m not doing my volunteer work. I might want to get involved in something culinary. I’m a cook. I have a lovely kitchen — a dishwasher, a double oven, and a microwave. Cooking is my therapy. I look out the window while I’m prepping food. I have a patio where I can blow bubbles with Ava.
I go down to the cafeteria for lunch and often have a salad, an entrée, fruit, dessert, and a beverage. One meal a day is included. I have dinner at home most of the time. Sometimes I have dinner with other residents, so I don’t feel isolated.
If I came to a point where I didn’t have a car, there’s transportation available, a van that can take you to Walmart and Target. I keep my Blue Cross Blue Shield and Medicare. I have a primary care doctor right down the street.
I don’t like to be managed, and I don’t feel managed here
They let me know what’s available, and I decide if and when I want to do it.
Getting rid of my house was the best thing I could’ve done. Not having all the expenses of owning a house has lifted a lot off me that I don’t have to think about anymore.
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