As both an author and a bookworm, I fall in love with fictional characters practically every week. I mean, why would I create a love interest that I, myself—or my readers—wouldn’t fall head-over-heels for in the real world?
Many of my reader friends have also gushed about their own “book boyfriends,” aka the male characters in their favorite romance novels. While this lighthearted term and parasocial dynamic is completely natural—how many of us adore attractive celebrities and charming characters in RomComs?—it can turn problematic for some people.
For example, if you’re obsessively comparing every man you meet to your book boyfriend, unable to form a romantic connection in real life, you might be placing too much importance on this fictional character. (Don’t worry, as a writer and reader with OCD, I’ve been there.)
What Is a ‘Book Boyfriend’?
A book boyfriend is a male character for whom a reader has developed a strong affection. Typically, authors purposefully make their love interests as likeable as possible. Otherwise, the story would fall flat. As an author myself, I find myself giggling and kicking my feet at the love scenes in my own books.
“I think ‘book boyfriends’ is just a cute term to describe an actual emotional response,” says Stephanie Lewis, MSW, LCSW, LICSW, CCTP, C-DBT, Vice President of Clinical Operations at Epiphany Wellness. “Characters play an important role and need to be well-developed. After all, the characters, actions, and values in a novel and the experiences and values a reader brings to it are two different and distinct things, in my opinion.”
The Allure of ‘Book Boyfriends’?
Readers with “book boyfriends” don’t actually believe they’re dating a fictional character. (At least, I hope not.) However, the parasocial relationship with a charming male lead can be alluring and even comforting to some people. Think of it as a romantic fantasy: These books allow us to live vicariously through the main character.
“Readers can imagine romantic closeness without facing rejection, which may support a one-sided parasocial relationship,” says Lewis. “Indeed, one important element of a compelling work of fiction is characters the reader can connect with and care about. These emotions can contribute to the intensity and vividness that keep the story interesting. For example, the romance genre usually strives to make readers connect and care about the characters on a personal level.”
This is why so many of us enter a “book hangover” after finishing a good novel. If you’re not getting attached to the story and its characters, you’re likely not as invested as the author intended you to be.
When Parasocial Relationships with Fictional Characters Become Problematic
Like all things in life, book boyfriends can become toxic (or, at least, your relationship to them can) Simply feeling affectionate toward a fictional character is entirely natural. But when it borders on delusion and interferes with your everyday life, hindering your ability to form genuine connections, well…it might be time for self-reflection.
(But hey, I’m not judging. This is how I survived childhood.)
“Attachments to fictional entities are problematic if they trigger emotional distress or interfere with a person’s choices and day-to-day life,” says Lewis. “So it’s normal to be strongly attached to a fictional character or celebrity, so long as it doesn’t become a preoccupation that interferes with everyday life.”
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