Look, I’ll be honest. The past four years have been the hardest of my life. And sadly, I’m very familiar with living in survival mode.
I got divorced. I lost one of my longest-running clients at the time and watched my income drop about 70% almost overnight. I moved across the country to a brand-new city where I barely knew anyone, bought a house that immediately needed a million repairs, got sober, lost a close family member, and spent a lot of time feeling lonely and stressed as hell.
The only way I can describe it is that I lived in a near-constant state of dread. Even when things were technically fine, there was always this little voice asking, “Okay, what the hell is next?”
And somehow, I was still getting everything done.
That’s why a recent Psychology Today piece about “survival mode” caught my attention. Therapist Alli Spotts-De Lazzer describes prolonged stress as something that can keep the brain and body on high alert even while a person continues functioning normally.
Here are some signs you’re living in survival mode.
1. You’re Getting Everything Done and Feeling Nothing About It
This one is easy to miss because productivity is usually associated with “being fine.” If you’re up and doing things, you can’t be that out of it, can you?
You’re still getting everything done, but finishing something doesn’t really feel like anything. A big project gets sent off, and instead of feeling relieved or proud, your brain is already on the next task on your list.
Research on high achievers has looked at how achievement can become a coping strategy. Staying busy gives your brain somewhere to go when sitting still with stress feels worse.
2. Everything Is Annoying You and You Can’t Explain Why
This was another big one for me.
Someone asks a completely normal question, and you have to stop yourself from answering like they just insulted your mother. A minor inconvenience can totally ruin your mood. Like someone driving way too slow in front of you, and now they’re your mortal enemy.
When your nervous system has already been on edge for months, even a small interruption can feel enormous.
The weirdest part for me was knowing I was overreacting while I was doing it. I could hear myself and think, “Why am I this irritated?” I just couldn’t seem to turn the volume down.
3. You Haven’t Actually Laughed in a While
This one sounds small until you notice it. And then it’s really sad.
I don’t mean laughing because somebody sent you a meme and you typed “lol.” I mean the kind where you can’t breathe for a second, and your stomach hurts. During the worst stretches of those four years, I realized I wasn’t doing much of that.
When your brain is always waiting for another problem, playfulness seems frivolous. You’re thinking about what needs to happen next or what could go wrong.
I never had some huge moment where I realized I was in survival mode. I just got very good at functioning while feeling terrible. That’s probably why it can be so hard to recognize while you’re inside it. You’re still working. You’re still handling things. Everybody around you might think you’re doing great.
Meanwhile, you’re exhausted, pissed off, and wondering when life is going to stop feeling like something you have to get through. For me, noticing it was the first thing that helped. Therapy helped too. So did admitting that I’d been through a lot instead of immediately minimizing it. Oh, and lots of hot yoga.
Recognize it before it starts to consume you. There are so many ways to get relief, you just need to find the ones that work for you.
The post 3 Signs You’re in Survival Mode Even Though You Look Like You’re Fine appeared first on VICE.
