After 25 years together, the aggregate pressures of daily life had all but decimated Juniper and her husband Jeff’s sex life.
As the parents of twin girls, the humdrum routine of school drop-offs, soccer meets and late-night homework help in addition to working full-time has left very little room — and energy — in the New York couple’s schedule to get it on.
“We both work two jobs. We have school-age kids and aging parents. We are exhausted,” Juniper, 43, told The Post.
“It was hard to find energy for intimacy,” she admitted, noting that for several years she and Jeff rarely had sex more than once or twice a month.
Her experience echoes a larger trend, as 81% of couples report a lack of intimacy after only two years together, with over 1 in 4 Americans feeling dissatisfied with how often they’re doing it.
“I knew I wanted things to be different, that I wanted to reconnect with my husband. I wanted sex to be better and more frequent and more interesting, but we weren’t sure how to start,” Juniper, who asked to withhold her last name for privacy, told The Post.
“I knew that we were kind of boring. I was like, ‘Alright, let’s break out of our pattern,’” Jeff chimed in.
Their solution didn’t entail seeing a couples therapist. Instead, as their first foray into intimacy support, they downloaded Arya, one of several apps on the market that leverage AI and subscription sex bots to help users amplify intimacy.
During the onboarding/profile-building process, the couple, who are both teachers, were required to answer a series of 20 quiz-style questions about turn-ons, their existing (or nonexistent) sex life, and the general state of their relationship.
Based on responses, a chatbot, which the app that costs between $29.15 and $59.95 per month depending on the plan calls a concierge, categorizes each person’s “Erotic Persona,” what Nicholas Velotta, a sexologist and head of relationship science at Arya, describes as a “sensual blueprint.”
He told The Post that these personas are something of a spectrum, and while most people contain a bit of all of them, everyone tends to lead with one.
Both Jeff and Juniper registered as “Adventurers,” meaning they crave novelty in sexual experiences, are interested in exploration, and are generally more open to kink.
The other personas include Connectors who are turned on by physical sensation, Romantics, who source their eroticism through emotional connection, and Directors who find erotic inspiration through spontaneity and visual cues.
Integrating both Jeff and Juniper’s responses, their AI concierge curated an initial “Scene” for the couple.
When a new scene, which consists of playlist recommendations, mood setters and written guides, is “unlocked,” the chatbot guides users to content designed to build anticipation.
“The Scene teasers, in particular, are a great conversation starter,” said Juniper, noting that the app’s short but steamy videos helped stoke sexual tension between her and Jeff.
The aforementioned teasers vary and can include both informational and explicit videos, suggestive messages, and audio erotica, sent to each partner and designed to build anticipation and arousal.
“One of us will text the other, ‘Hey, did you see this?’ It’s easy and fun and exciting to send a link and say, ”I’m really excited to try this. You in?”
As part of its subscription, Arya discreetly delivers a supplemental sex box each month that includes intimacy items that help bring the scene to life and pave the way to sexploration — think hot wax, sex toys and a pleasure map.
“Nothing Arya has suggested has been an immediate ‘no’ for us,” Juniper pointed out, “We’ve been guided toward ideas and products that are in line with our curiosities.”
The couple also utilized Arya’s chatbot, which is programmed to respond like a human to straightforward questions about sex but flags when thoughts or concerns require actual human intervention.
The couple refuses to chat with their AI concierge during intimate moments; however, they do bring their phone into the bedroom for guidance.
“We will get in bed, light a candle, and share one phone, reading through the Scene ‘chapters’ together. Sometimes we don’t get very far because we’re eager to unwrap a new toy and try it out.”
After getting their groove back in the bedroom over the last year — the Gothamites admitted there’s no turning back at this point.
“Not because I wasn’t aware or interested, I just didn’t know where to start, didn’t know how to broach anything. It was like, our sex is fine, perfectly fine. It turns out it can be better than fine,” Juniper explained.
“I appreciate that the thinking and the work have been done, and I now have a go-to place for ideas and information,” she added, admitting that before exploring with Arya, the extent of her sex toy experience was a lipstick vibrator she got as a birthday present in college.
Juniper also said that the intimacy intervention has inspired Jeff to take more initiative and responsibility towards the sexual maintenance of their relationship.
“Now we have all these resources, and he is driving the energy,” she said.
Arya’s curated boxes also spared the couple the potential awkwardness of visiting an adult store.
“We live in a small town that I’ve lived in my whole life; we know a lot of people. It’s not easy for me to go somewhere and browse sex toys. Because I really don’t want to run into my student’s dad.”
Juniper credits the app with allowing her to embrace a new sexual freedom.
“I’m embracing and owning and celebrating what I want and what I like sexually in a way that I never have before,” she said, noting that communicating directly about sex, even and especially between long-term partners, has always been a challenge.
According to Velotta, that lack of direct communication is a common barrier to better sex.
“You might be in the most loving of relationships, but sex is a difficult topic for you to talk about,” he said
“It’s not a sign or a death knell or a catastrophe if you and your partner are not able to get over that hurdle without any resources.”
Velotta noted that most couples experience a gap between what we are aroused by/curious about, and how we go about inviting that into our lives.
For Jeff and Juniper, that intersection has been eye-opening.
“We were really delighted to discover that there were some things that we were both really excited about,” said Juniper.
Jeff shared that BDSM was the unexpected center of their sex-venn diagram.
“Exploring dominant and submissive roles was something that we had never really done, but we’ve spent a lot of time looking at different ways to explore that together, and that’s been really great,” he said.
“I had no idea she was interested in that, and all of a sudden we’re like, oh, look at us, look what we’re into.”
“In the last year, we have had experiences in the bedroom that I did not know were possible,” added Juniper.
Jeff said that the communication required to safely engage in BDSM play has translated to better discourse beyond and within the ties that bind.
“It’s really expanded our repertoire and our appreciation for each other,” said Jeff.
Juniper shared that she and Jeff are now intimate at least two to three times per week, with a few exceptions.
“We had a notable week back in the beginning of May where we were intimate in some way every day for a week, and we were like, ‘ I don’t know what’s happening, but I love this for us.’”
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