I’ve spent the past year touring colleges with my high school senior, and I’ve found myself thinking a lot about my own college experience — and coming to a surprising conclusion.
Even though my husband and I both lived at home during college and saved a significant amount of money, I want our three kids to live on campus.
Our oldest will start college in fall 2026, and one of their top choices is a school just 20 minutes from our house. It would be incredibly easy — and practical — for my college-bound child to stay at home. No room and board, no meal plan fees, no extra expenses. Just a short drive to school and back home.
For a long time, I assumed that’s what we would encourage. But somewhere between campus tours, dorm walkthroughs, and campus life presentations, my thinking changed. I realized I don’t just want my kids to go to college, I want them to experience living on their own, too.
My husband and I both loved living at home during college
I chose that path because I was a first-generation college student, and my parents hadn’t set aside money for my education. While they helped with college expenses, I still graduated with some student loan debt. By living at home, I was able to get my degree for a reasonable price.
My husband’s situation was similar. He’s the youngest of 10 kids, and in a big family, commuting to a local college was just expected. He didn’t even have a car at first; he took the bus to class and worked his way through school, ultimately graduating debt-free.
At the time, these choices made sense. College was more affordable in the 1990s, and commuting was an easy way to keep costs down. Today, we’re looking at roughly $25,000 per year in college costs, and about half of that is for room and board.
But our situation is also different. We’ve been saving for our kids’ college since they were born, and we’re in a position to cover those costs. Our three kids will be able to graduate debt-free, even if they live on campus.
While commuting saved me money, it also came with trade-offs
I lived about 30 minutes from campus, and getting there, especially for early morning classes, was a daily struggle. I’ve never been a morning person, and the added hassle of a commute made it even harder. There were classes I skipped simply because I couldn’t get myself out the door in time to make it to my seat by 8 a.m.
Being off campus also made it harder to feel connected. I joined a sorority and met friends through clubs, but I was always a bit removed from what was happening on campus. Staying late for meetings or events meant factoring in a drive home.
I worked on the campus literary magazine, but missed too many meetings to stay involved. Over time, it became easier to opt out of activities and events than to keep commuting back and forth.
And that’s something I don’t want my kids to experience.
I want my kids to build independence by living on their own — not under our roof
It’s important to me that they learn what it’s like to live with people outside our family. They’ll have to share space with roommates, navigate disagreements, and solve problems without Mom and Dad intervening. They’ll get the opportunity to live side by side with people from different backgrounds, perspectives, and experiences.
They’ll also get the chance to manage daily tasks like doing their own laundry, making meals, and getting enough sleep without me stepping in to remind them to have good habits. We’ve already started working on some of these skills at home, but there’s a difference between practicing independence and actually living it.
There are also some real benefits to living on campus. Without a commute, my kids will have more time to study, visit professors during office hours, and take part in campus life. I hope they’ll be more likely to join clubs, attend events, and form lifelong friendships with the people they meet.
To me, living on campus is a bridge between childhood and full adulthood. It offers structure, but also freedom. It’s a chance to make decisions, make mistakes, and grow while still having a supportive, safe environment at college.
Of course, I know commuting works well for many students. For some families, like mine and my husband’s, commuting is the only way they can send their child to college. Living at home can also offer a level of safety and structure that campus life doesn’t.
But for our family, we’re in a position to make a different choice — and we are.
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