Recently, running late for my train to work, I bolted from the house without using my hair-in-a-can. That’s the sprayable hair color I use between dye jobs.
I arrived at the office with snow-white tufts on my temples. Rather than trying to avoid my co-workers, I thought back to a study I’d read about earlier this year. Researchers had found that when someone made a harmless misstep in public, and then laughed at their own blunder, others saw them as warmer and more authentic.
So when I made it to work, I set the tone right away by announcing that I was aware of my temple tufts and of my resemblance to Paulie Walnuts of “The Sopranos.”
“When you can laugh at yourself, that signals that you have some self-acceptance,” said Ovul Sezer Peck, an assistant professor of management and organizations at Cornell University and an author of that study, which was published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. “You’re showing people that you’re comfortable with yourself and your imperfections, which makes you more relatable.”
I asked Dr. Sezer Peck and other experts how to bounce back quickly when you’ve committed a gaffe, and how humor can help.
Find the funny
Say that you’re reaching for a word that never shows up in your mind, you told a joke that didn’t land or you knocked over your glass of water at lunch.
Dr. Sezer Peck’s study found that when people who had committed a faux pas were strongly embarrassed, others perceived the reaction as excessive and too self-conscious. It also seemed to make the group mildly uncomfortable.
So if you make a mistake in front of others, Dr. Sezer Peck advised, take control of that awkward, in-between moment of tension and laugh at yourself.
Dr. Sezer Peck, who does stand-up comedy as a hobby, said that “in comedy, owning your mistake and laughing first can completely shift the room.”
You may seem more competent if you can laugh at yourself, the study suggested, because “it signals that you can both regulate your emotions and read the room,” she said.
Own your invisibility
When we are mortified by a mild mistake, we can activate an “egocentric bias” known as the spotlight effect. That describes when we overestimate the amount of attention people pay us “so that we think we’re much more in the spotlight than we actually are,” said Victoria Husted Medvec, a psychologist who, along with other researchers, coined the term.
In a now-classic experiment, she and her colleagues asked college students to wear a T-shirt with a large image of the singer Barry Manilow (not “super cool,” she said) and then walk into a room full of people.
The students later estimated that half of the people had noticed their T-shirt. But in reality, only 20 percent did.
“When I have a misstep, I always remind myself, ‘No one else notices as much as you do,’” said Dr. Medvec, a professor of management and organization at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University.
Empathize with yourself
Say you’re in a meeting and somebody slips up, Dr. Medvec said. Maybe your mind dwells briefly on your co-worker’s flub — but the minute that meeting is over, “you’re making your grocery list, or thinking about your next meeting,” she added.
That’s how most people are going to react when you commit a blunder, she said.
And if you’re in a group, following up with some levity “can reassure the others that they don’t need to worry or feel sorry for you,” said Karen Dobkins, professor of psychology at the University of California, San Diego, who leads the Human Experience and Awareness Lab.
Laughing at yourself acknowledges what happened, instead of making things more awkward by pretending it didn’t happen, Dr. Dobkins added.
Because laughing at yourself too much can tip into excessive self-deprecation (which might also make others squirm), I kept my joke about Paulie Walnuts brief. Then I went on with my day.
As they used to say on “The Sopranos,” what are you gonna do?
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The post Defuse Awkward Moments With This Hidden Life Skill appeared first on New York Times.
