For most of history, parents prayed for a son to carry on the family name. Now some moms are crying into the blue confetti.
Americans have a long history of preferring boys. Gallup has asked which sex people would choose if they could have only one child since 1941, and boys have come out ahead every time. In 2018, the split was 36% for boys and 28% for girls. Women, however, were almost evenly divided, with a slight preference for daughters.
A separate 2025 Gallup International survey of nearly 45,000 people across 44 countries found that 19% of women preferred a daughter, compared with 12% who wanted a son. The majority, 66%, had no preference whatsoever. So the idea that women everywhere have suddenly decided boys are terrible isn’t exactly supported by the numbers.
Why Some Expectant Mothers Secretly Hope They’re Having a Girl, According to Psychology
Still, gender disappointment is very real. In a December 2025 Reddit discussion, an expectant mother admitted she was struggling after learning she was having a boy. She’d always pictured raising a daughter, and knowing this would probably be her only pregnancy made it harder. She was also excited to meet her son, but she also said “I am now grieving the future.” Both feelings existed at once.
A paper published in BJPsych Bulletin examined this experience, noting that parents frequently want the opportunity to raise both a son and a daughter. Having several children of the same sex can make that imagined family feel increasingly unlikely.
There’s also pressure from other people. One mother on Reddit described being thrilled about expecting her second boy, only to have relatives express disappointment. Her relatives seemed to have decided she needed a daughter, whether she wanted one or not.
And those expectations can get ridiculous. Having a girl doesn’t guarantee a future of wedding dress shopping and Sunday phone calls, any more than having a boy guarantees football games and a lifetime of dirty socks.
It’s understandable to feel sad about the daughter you’ll never have, especially if you’ve pictured that relationship your whole life. But the little boy you’re bringing home has no idea about any of those expectations. He just needs parents who are happy he’s here.
The post Why Some Moms-to-Be Dread Hearing ‘It’s a Boy’: ‘I Am Now Grieving the Future’ appeared first on VICE.
