This article is part of our Longevity special section on living longer and healthier.
Perhaps these days more than ever, living a long life — even to 100 or beyond — is a compelling notion. But questions still abound. What does science say about how long humans can live? And depending on the answer, what are the secrets to staying healthy into old age? What are the steps to staying joyful, engaged and mentally sharp? Where can people get reliable advice? And, if you could, what would you tell your younger self?
The New York Times asked readers about longevity, and several hundred responded to our questionnaire. We wanted to better understand aging and what it really means from the people who are living through it now. And, if living to 100 is the goal, we wanted to know their plan for getting there.
Below is a sample of what some readers shared; the responses have been lightly condensed and edited.
Surprising Similarities
Jodi Bornstein, 71 Boca Raton, Fla.
My parents are both 96. I’ve gotten involved in their health care recently. A cardiologist said to my mother, “I want to be just like you when I’m your age.” When she examined my father recently she called him a “rock star.” My mother has strict ideas about nutrition. I was skeptical most of my life, but now I have to admit she was right. I’m 71 and our 25-year age gap feels like it’s shrinking. In 2024, I broke my ankle and I was in a wheelchair then a walker, and when I was finally allowed to walk, I was moving around slower than they were. My mother has never had surgery. I was hoping to have the same record.
I would tell myself that I would feel closer to my parents as we aged. I used to think we had nothing in common, but now I see we have a lot in common. I see personality traits in my three adult children that come directly from my parents. Unfortunately, my in-laws both died young at 72 and 78. Now that my husband and I are in our 70s, it shocks me to think about everything they have missed. We don’t have any grandchildren yet, and I hope we get to experience that in the not-too-distant future.
The Power of Self-Massage
Dr. Gregory Yuen, 76 Honolulu
My journey began at age 12 when my grandmother died. Confronting death for the first time led me to a lifelong vow to find the secret to longevity. I became a physician specializing in psychiatry, a licensed massage therapist and a tai chi instructor — all of which I have been doing for over 40 years.
As for the secret to longevity, I have found it with Do-in mindful self-massage, a 2,000-year-old practice sorely overlooked. It’s so simple that people dismiss it and won’t take a second glance. Here’s the simple explanation for how Do-in works: By giving focused, concentrated attention to every point in your body by self-massage, you make qi, the vital force in traditional Chinese medicine, available for self-healing. This attention amounts to love. Massaging every part of your body is giving love to your whole body. How else would your body respond to all this love other than to love you back with ease, not disease?
I have been most inspired by my friend’s father who lived until 106. When he was about 105 years old, one morning my friend happened upon him massaging his whole body. Surprised, she learned that he had been doing Do-in daily for his whole life.
‘We Are All Passengers’
Miggs Burroughs, 80 Westport, Conn.
No matter our age, health or station in life, we are all passengers on the same planet and live through the same 24 hours each day. My father who died at 80, the age I am now, used to say that there is no shame in being the best passenger you can be during the ride.
My mother who lived to 102 held grudges to the day she died. A friend said that her behavior was like setting her own hair on fire, hoping the people who had done her wrong would choke on the smoke. Longevity is no guarantee of enlightenment, but enlightenment never grows old.
A Loving Atmosphere
Kathie Garcia, 88 Holbrook, N.Y.
My 96-year-old sister is an inspiration. She recently buried her husband and moved in with her youngest son in Southern California. She flew back to Sacramento, sold her house and returned to Laguna Hills with her possessions. I am living on Long Island with my son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter. I delight in a loving atmosphere, where I am encouraged to engage with my new friends from church. I exercise and lift small weights. I do use a cane, mostly when leaving the house, and stretch often. I also deep breathe as I learned from my yoga instructor.
In my former home in Ohio I partnered with a 100-year-old lady for duplicate bridge with a quick mind. She certainly gave me hope.
Raj Khalid, 73 Mumbai, India
I am 73 and have been an active pistol shooter for 47 years. This has ensured I stay fit, work out, meditate and practice five days a week. I wish I had not fallen for advertising when I was younger and consumed processed food and other habits. Competitive pistol shooting is my Ikigai and [the German philosopher] Eugen Herrigel found that Zen cannot be explained but has to be experienced, hence his book “Zen in the Art of Archery.”
Converging Roads
Judith Turner-Yamamoto, 73 Asheboro, N.C.
The surprise of getting older is that as the roads have narrowed, my life has opened inward. I don’t feel an urge to make up for what I missed when young. I traveled the world as a journalist and publicist, following curiosity, telling the stories of artists and creatives, while writing fiction of my own. I was a risk-taker writing about risk-takers. Youth gave me expansion: charging into the world. Age gives me integration: bringing the world home and making meaning from it.
After half a century away, I moved back to my small hometown — the fictional north star that guided my creative work for decades — carrying the riches of a larger life with me. Fiction wasn’t one more road. It was the road running beneath all the others. Now many roads have converged into one: finishing novels I’ve worked on for decades. Age is the long lens on contradiction, regret, desire, forgiveness and loss, on how meaning changes as we change. That lens lets me and my characters live more fully. I published my first novel at 69 and was surprised by how deeply recognition moved me, grounding me more fully in the life I’ve lived, where its farthest distances meet its earliest beginnings.
Important Guidelines
Nancy Gabriel, 100 New York City
Technology is used as guidance by many in today’s world and personal relationships lose their importance. As children we went out to play with other children. Now many children use technology instead.
My parents were born in Greece. My mother died at 101. She had two important guidelines. 1. Everything in moderation (pan metron ariston). 2. Choose friends that you honor (philotimo). I have shared these principles with my children and grandchildren.
All About Friendship
Clifford Edwards, 72 Vail, Colo.
My father is 100 years old. He lives alone in his own house. He still drives and plays golf. Nine holes or less depending on how he is feeling. He loves people. He loves to read. He goes to the library. He goes to bookstores. He plays bridge and is learning canasta. It’s the social interaction that keeps him going. He is a role model on how to live well.
After hearing Clifford talk about his father, Don, we reached out and asked him the same questions we asked readers. Here’s what he said.
Don Edwards, 100
West Palm Beach, Fla.
I find that social contact is so important in my life that I kept on being with people, playing cards, playing golf. Socializing has kept me going all these years. I never sat down and decided not to go on with my life and sit on a couch all day. I made a point of being out, joining associations and intermingling with other people.
Education is most important for the future. And if I had someone to advise what they should do, is never give up, and never look behind, look ahead, and just think of tomorrow, not yesterday.
The Cruelty in Waiting
Alex Carballo-Dieguez, 75 New York City
Mother recently turned 100. In her mid-90s she was still fully coherent, reading [the Greek philosopher]Epictetus and discussing his ideas with me. One day, she asked me to promise I would help her die when she could no longer care for herself — when daily life required “someone to wipe her butt.” She also disclosed that she had helped her own father die when his senile dementia advanced. I pointed out the difference between euthanasia for terminal illness and assisted end-of-life for people who were physically and mentally healthy, an option legal in only a few countries. I proposed that we research together right-to-die legislation.
Then, a urinary tract infection devastated her body and mind. Treatment never brought back her past, brilliant self. Round-the-clock caretakers became insufficient. She had to be moved to a retirement home. Three years ago in a lucid moment she said, “I have no goals, no interests, no motivation to go on living. I want to die. Get me the pill.” Now, at 100, her dementia has advanced, she has lost significant weight, and her paper-thin skin tears at the slightest touch. Still, all we can do is wait. It’s cruel and devastating for all. We need right-to-die legislation urgently.
I tell myself that I need to have an end-of-life plan that does not depend on others. The only regret is to have to do it unassisted rather than surrounded by loved ones.
Life’s Opportunities
Jorge Romero, 70 Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
My mother just died at 95 after raising five kids while supporting her parents all on a secretary’s salary. Her strength was overcoming obstacles no matter how big they seemed. Always positive and optimistic.
My mother instilled in me great self-confidence and to never be afraid of taking advantage of opportunities that life may give you. This kept her going for 95 years and I hope I can do the same.
Stay Interested
Vera Martignetti, 88 Tucson, Ariz.
No one is more surprised that I’m 88 than I am. Both my parents died in their mid-70s. My husband of 48 years, who shared my eating habits, died at 74. OK, he was an alcoholic and former smoker and I only drink wine occasionally and never smoked. And he never used sunscreen, but I’ve been a widow for 19 years and never expected to be. Three of my adult children live close to me, but I still live alone in my home, paying bills, gardening, driving (but not at night) myself to doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping and cooking for myself, and having family dinner for my kids once a week.
I’d tell my younger self to cultivate younger friends, stay interested in everything, volunteer until you can’t anymore, read at least two newspapers daily. I read two online and one as a “real” newspaper delivered to my driveway. Belong to a book club because sometimes books are chosen that you would never have read otherwise. Be interested in your children’s lives. Thank them for whatever they do for you. Talk to your neighbors. Take naps. And smile often.
Don’t Borrow Trouble
Jack Fernandez, 70 Tampa, Fla.
I retired at 68 from a 35-year law practice (I was a Navy fighter pilot before law school). I do not miss work at all and have replaced it with an annual Camino [de Santiago] walk (two down), each of which has given me deep fulfillment. Also, watching my kids and grandchildren succeed is something I enjoy ruminating about.
Decades ago, fulfillment looked like success in the practice of law or in being the best fighter pilot I could be. Now fulfillment looks like something more introspective — am I proceeding toward a death I can be proud of and can I become someone my descendants will point to as an example? Like, “Remember Pop? When he retired he started taking 500-mile backpacking trips through Spain.” The advice my father gave me, “Don’t borrow trouble,” has always felt relevant, because I consistently war-game the worst possible outcomes but they never happen.
Learning From Mom
Hermine Levey Weston, 72 Northampton, Mass.
My mother lived very well and healthy into her mid-90s. She was always active physically and socially. Somehow she maintained her weight eating pie with ice cream and a fair amount of Canadian Club or chardonnay before supper. She outlived almost all her friends, the pandemic hit and her support circle narrowed. Still, with family support she lived to 101!
On a trip with my mom at age 89 she sighed deeply and said she regretted not leaving my emotionally abusive father when she was younger. This resonated with me. I didn’t want to be 89 with such a regret. Within a few years, I left my emotionally abusive marriage and started a wonderful new life.
Keep Moving
Kathy Engle, 76 Holland, Vt.
My husband was 17 years older than me. He passed two years ago after falling at home and breaking his hip. Prior to that, he had been declining with various ailments, including dementia. He was essentially wasting away during his last years, with me as his caregiver. My robust, funny, well educated, happy and loving husband basically disappeared slowly before my eyes. If there is anything I can reasonably do to prevent that outcome, I will.
I am and always have been rather active. My animals and my home/land are my purpose. They are my reason to rise and get busy every morning, and fall into bed at night, tired but content.
I am inspired by an 88-year-old farmer, who will almost undoubtedly reach the 100-year mark. He still delivers my yearly hay, throwing around 50-pound bales as though they are pillows. His advice is simple: keep moving, or you rust. I want to be like him when I’m his age and beyond.
Don’t Stop
Bill Starr, 86 Litchfield, Conn.
I have taken deep meaning and comfort from Jimmy Buffett’s lyrics, “I’m not ready to put the book on the shelf.” I’m 86. At 83 I auditioned for a stage role and since have appeared in five community theater productions. At 84 I took a class in stand-up comedy and have done several PAID gigs! I’m preparing my next (fourth) book for publication. As Buffett suggests, don’t stop!
Stay Optimistic
Dorin Schumacher, 91 Decatur, Ga.
Turning 90 was something I dreaded the year before, and when I got there, I celebrated. I felt happier and positive, to my surprise. People say I look 70-ish; young people call me an inspiration and ask for “my secret.” I have not lost the optimism and plan to live at least another 10 years.
I would say kudos for the work I put into my health all those years: eating healthily, exercising regularly, sleeping well, stopping smoking, giving up alcohol, not using illegal drugs. Always having a male partner. Writing books and short pieces. I’ve published a memoir of my first 21 years. I’ve started one on the rest of my life.
Health Span, Not Life Span
Ka Rehm, 80 Hanover, N.H.
It’s not life span that matters, but health span. You really do have to do all those healthy things: eating well, exercising, checking in with doctors periodically, meditating (or some other absorbing task, like painting), and keeping friends! Getting older has been wonderful — for everything you lose (like a bit of hearing), there’s two things you gain, like understanding and perspective. And don’t imagine the challenges of aging won’t come to you. You have to plan ahead for that! Plus, people are awfully nice to the elderly.
Maintaining Independence
Ruth K. Graves, 96 Ypsilanti, Mich.
Much of my energy goes into simply maintaining a reasonably independent life, keeping up with family and friends. I still live in my own home which I maintain with some help from family. I drive and participate in some social exercise classes. Much of my life after retirement from teaching was spent in peace and social justice activity.
But as a teacher prior to retirement I probably spent too much time grading papers instead of more creative pursuits.
A Beloved Role Model
Terri Lisagor, 77 Camarillo, Calif.
My dear friend Marilyn, who [recently] passed away at 102, was the role model for human kindness, caring, love and inclusion. When I was a little girl, Marilyn treated me like a sister to her three daughters. Without realizing it, Marilyn taught me what really matters. Marilyn lives on within my heart and soul.
At her 100th birthday party, Marilyn took the mic and named all 100 guests in the room — to share with all of us how she knew each of us and what we meant to her! (Of course, I cried … but wasn’t the only one who did.)
The post Readers Offer Lessons on the Way to 100 appeared first on New York Times.
