Working with your ex is far from ideal. In fact, it’s likely the reason most workers avoid dating their colleagues in the first place. But sometimes, love has other plans, and we get swept up in a workplace romance—which unfortunately often leads to a workplace breakup.
If you’re in this unfortunate situation, here are six ways to survive a workplace breakup.
1. Agree on Boundaries
Boundaries matter in every breakup, but they matter even more in workplace relationships. Take time to discuss your boundaries and limits with your ex before telling coworkers about your breakup.
“One of the most crucial first steps is to discuss your workplace boundaries,” says HR expert Martin Balcome at Bridgewater Talent Integration. “If it was an amicable breakup, you might be able to carry on working together as normal, though this can become harder if one of you starts seeing someone else. For a more difficult and emotional breakup, you might need more space.”
2. Prepare for Awkward Encounters
No matter how mature, friendly, or accommodating you and your ex are, you’ll still face awkward moments as you navigate your breakup—especially as colleagues.
“You don’t need to pretend that everything is fine, but seeing them unexpectedly can be a shock, so simply being prepared with a default greeting or response can make your interaction less awkward,” Balcome says.
3. Don’t Involve Your Coworkers
Though it might be tempting to vent to your work bestie about the ins and outs of your breakup, avoid sharing too much with your coworkers.
“Keep your venting away from the workplace, rather than telling colleagues everything,” says Balcome. “Office gossip can quickly spread and turn your breakup into the hottest topic of conversation, so try not to rely on co-workers as an emotional support group.”
4. Separate Your Feelings From Your Performance
As someone who’s been through a few gut-wrenching breakups (with individuals who thankfully weren’t my coworkers), I know firsthand how difficult it is to focus on work when you’re actively grieving. That said, don’t let your feelings sabotage your career and performance.
“Try to arrange your day so important tasks can be done when there is less chance of being emotionally triggered, or [start] small habits like going for a short walk or practicing quick mindfulness techniques after interacting with them, to reset emotions and bring your focus back to work,” Balcome recommends. “Your career exists independently of your relationship, no matter how closely you work, so it’s essential to protect your performance from your emotions and not let the breakup take over.”
5. Treat Your Ex Like a Colleague, Not an Ex
Just as it’s nearly impossible to see your ex as “just a friend” after a breakup, it’s hard to see them as “just a coworker.” But even if you can’t convince your heart of this shift in roles, your actions must reflect the demotion.
Whether you’re their senior or at the same level on your work team, Balcombe warns against treating your ex differently after the breakup. Don’t retaliate, criticize their work more harshly, or overcompensate by giving them special treatment. Act like they’re just another coworker—because, in the workplace, that’s exactly what they are.
6. Let Yourself Grieve
Just because you’re at work doesn’t mean you won’t experience grief when you bump into your ex. You don’t want your emotions to overshadow your hard work, but you also don’t want to suppress them entirely.
“Don’t try to force yourself to switch off your emotions from 9–5; just concentrate on getting through the workday in a way that protects your emotional well-being as well as your career and professional reputation,” says Balcome. “Give it time, and eventually, your ex will simply become another colleague.”
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