Have you ever wondered whether men and women flirt differently—and which methods are most effective?
According to Noam Shpancer, Ph.D., author of the novel The Good Psychologist, in his Psychology Today article on the topic, “One way to understand and evaluate flirting behavior is via the Sexual Strategies Theory (SST) perspective, which argues that different mate acquisition tactics will prove most efficient depending on sex and the mating context (short- or long-term).”
Let’s explore the ideas a bit more deeply.
How Men Flirt
As Shpancer notes in his article, in the animal kingdom, males are quite expressive and intense when attempting to attract a female mate. Think: the male peacock dancing for its female mate, showing off his vibrant colors.
However, among humans, flirting is often a bit more subtle, Shpancer explains. If you’re a man, you might’ve received the dating advice of “just play it cool” or “don’t be too obvious.” But are these actually the most effective?
According to Shpancer, a series of four studies by U.S. researchers T. Joel Wade and Jennifer Slemp found that the most effective flirting tactics for men include: “He holds hands with you,” “He spends time with you,” “He asks you out,” “He makes you laugh,” “He kisses you,” “He acts interested in you,” and “He has dinner with you.”
In other words, clearly expressing interest, effort, and investment in a long-term connection is typically preferred by women; and men who display these behaviors tend to have more luck. Who would’ve thought?
How Women Flirt
In the animal kingdom, women, on the other hand, usually sit back, relax, and let the male do all the pursuing. They can then choose the male of their preference based on his “game.” But in today’s world, it seems women who are forward are actually more successful in the flirting game.
According to the four studies referenced earlier, the most effective flirting tactics for men include: “She kisses you on the cheek,” “She rubs against you,” “She moves closer to you,” “She touches you, in general,” and “She touches your arm.”
Are we surprised that physical touch was a more preferred flirting tactic for men? (Kidding, kidding…kinda.)
Conclusion
Men and women have different flirting methods and preferences.
“Flirtations from women that suggest sexual access and flirtations from men that suggest exclusivity, commitment, and caring were perceived as the most effective flirtatious acts,” the researchers wrote in their study. “These actions were rated as most effective because they relate to the characteristics that men and women prefer for their partners.”
Of course, context matters: Recent studies show different flirting preferences depending on the individual’s dating goals. For example, a man seeking a long-term female partner might prefer flirting that shows more affection and interest in getting to know him, rather than sexual flirting; meanwhile, a woman preferring a casual connection might prefer more physical-touch flirting.
As Shpancer notes in his article, “cues to sexual availability should prove more effective when used by women in a short-term mating context. Conversely, acts of generosity that denote commitment and investment will prove more effective when used by men in a long-term mating context.”
The post These Flirting Tactics Work Best for Men and Women, According to Psychology appeared first on VICE.
