DEAR ABBY: I moved 2,000 miles to be near my daughter and her family. One of my granddaughters, “Libby,” was diagnosed with a medical condition and has put on some weight. I was at my daughter’s and was going to mention my concern for my granddaughter’s weight. Before I could finish, my son-in-law came in, told me I shouldn’t be talking about Libby’s weight and walked away. I thought I could talk to my daughter about things I was concerned about. I left feeling very hurt.
I sent a text to my daughter apologizing. My son-in-law came to my house and said I need to filter what I say. He then told me I have made remarks to my grandchildren that hurt them. I love my family with all my heart. I would die for them. Was I wrong to mention my concern about Libby? I’m devastated that my daughter didn’t come to talk with me about it. Am I wrong? — MEANT WELL IN IDAHO
DEAR MEANT WELL: It is disappointing that your son-in-law had to come and talk to you rather than your daughter. Talk with her, and ask how you can interact with her and her family more positively.
It is generally known these days that weight is a sensitive subject, particularly if it is associated with a medical condition. If Libby is under a doctor’s care, you can be confident that everything that can be done for her is being done. Because you have now been informed that some of the comments you have made have hurt your grandchildren, it may be time to close your mouth and turn on your “listening ears” when you visit. Also, when you want a private conversation with your daughter, make sure that it is, indeed, private.
DEAR ABBY: I have known “Ralph” for many years and consider him one of my best friends. We share many interests, and through the years we have frequently discussed them over the phone. Ralph retired recently and is bored, so now he calls me three or four times a week, even when there is nothing new to talk about. We rehash the same things over and over again. I’ve dropped subtle hints that my life doesn’t change much from day to day. If I allow his calls to go to voicemail, he leaves a message and asks me to call him back. I don’t want to be rude, but how can I get him to call less frequently? — DUCKING CALLS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR DUCKING CALLS: If Ralph’s voice message doesn’t contain a reason for you to call him back, you’re not obligated to do so with any urgency. It’s not rude of you to enforce a waiting period between your calls with him.
Whenever he does bring up a worn-out topic, say something like, “Oh, yeah, we talked about this a few days ago!” Then immediately change the subject. In this way, you subtly make it obvious that you’re not going to let him drag you into the same conversations time and time again.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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