Does your richer BFF owe you a lifestyle you can’t afford on your own?
This question is at the center of a heated debate over a viral moment involving Savannah James, wife of NBA superstar LeBron James, and her friend, business partner and podcast co-host April McDaniel.
During a recent interview on the Boardroom’s “Mental Wealth” podcast, McDaniel shared that when she and James travel together, she doesn’t have to fly first class. Instead, she might fly in business class.
By the way, flying business class can be very luxurious. Just saying.
“There’s two different lifestyles that exist. Like, we’re not delusional to that,” McDaniel said. “I don’t feel the need to be in first, because that’s not in my budget.”
Perhaps because of her relationship with James, people assume she is living large — or larger.
“Someone said to me the other day, ‘Oh, you’re going to New York? You’re going commercial?’ I said, ‘Are you okay?’ Commercial, yes,” McDaniel said. “I got two kids, and I’m making them fly commercial and coach, too. … I think it’s really important for people to realize it’s okay to be normal.”
People were “offended” after this came up on the podcast the two friends host, McDaniel said. “And I was like, ‘Why? I can’t afford first.’”
McDaniel was incredulous — as am I — about the onslaught of criticism following the discussions about their friendship and money. People have roasted James for not offering to upgrade her friend to a better cabin location.
“As the bestie, I would have been salty not because her money is mine but we are together let’s travel together,” one Reddit user wrote.
Another person wrote on Threads, “Personally, if I were married to a highly paid professional athlete with plenty of disposable income, and my best friend and I were traveling together, but she couldn’t afford a first-class ticket, I’d feel like the least I could do would be to cover the difference.”
But James also had many defenders who argue that she’s setting healthy financial boundaries.
“Why does LeBron and Savannah need to pay for another grown adult’s tickets? Just cuz they rich doesn’t mean to be reckless [with] money,” an Instagram user wrote.
I love how James is handling the controversy. She’s clear that her circle of friends is content staying in their own financial lane.
“My friends are very respectful of my situation. All of them,” James said on the podcast. “It’s no expectation of like, taking care of something or, you know, just having me be responsible for them. It has never, ever been that.”
James makes such a great point.
How many stories have we read about athletes and celebrities blowing through fortunes because they felt obligated to bankroll a horde of demanding friends and family members?
While most folks aren’t friends with a billionaire — or even a millionaire — income and net worth disparities among friends and family play out every day. It can involve splitting the cost of a meal, traveling together or deciding how much help, if any, to give a friend or relative struggling to make ends meet.
There’s an opportunity to learn something from this debate.
Financial rule No.1: You are not entitled to a lifestyle upgrade just because you’re friends with someone who has more than you. They get to choose how to spend their money.
The fastest way to end a friendship or create tension is by expecting to benefit from someone else’s wealth.
If you find yourself thinking, “I know she can afford to treat me,” you need to check yourself. That’s a freeloader mindset.
Also, appearances can be deceiving. I’ve counseled many people who look wealthy to outsiders, but when you take a deep dive into their finances, they’re overextended. You never truly know what’s happening in someone else’s bank account. Many people look rich but are deep in debt.
Here are some additional rules to navigate these economic differences.
When you have money
Be sensitive to the economic imbalance when eating out, socializing or traveling together. Don’t default to pricey restaurants or events. Be sensitive to what members of the group can afford. Suggest several options across different price points.
If you want to splurge on expensive cocktails or appetizers, tell the server up front to put those items on a separate check that you’ll cover.
McDaniel said that when she and James travel together, they plan the trip to minimize extra costs. There aren’t last-minute trips to say, New York Fashion Week, she noted.
Your money, your choice. Take a cue from Savannah James. If you want to fly first class or stay in a five-star hotel, make it clear that you love your friend’s company but support them picking the cabin class or accommodation that fits their budget.
You don’t have to turn every joint outing into a sponsored trip. Treat when you want. It’s perfectly fine to avoid setting a pricey precedent so your friends or family members aren’t always counting on you to cover the full bill or to supplement their share.
While it’s nice and generous to share your good fortune by paying for others, it doesn’t make you a worse person if you choose not to. And I’m not talking about helping a friend facing a financial crisis, which is a different sort of decision.
Give without strings attached. If you decide to upgrade their ticket or pay for their lodging, treat it as a gift. Never bring it up later, use it as leverage, brag about your largesse to others or expect them to sing your praises forever.
If you do help someone struggling, make the money a gift; never make it a loan.
Don’t be quick to play savior: Wait until you are asked for help. Offering an unsolicited bailout creates an unhealthy power dynamic. In many cases, if you rush to bail someone out, you could keep them from learning an important lesson about being reckless with their finances.
However, one of the blessings of being financially stable is being in the position to help the people you care about.
When you have less money
Be up front about what you can afford when eating out, socializing or traveling together: Just say, “I’m watching my spending this month, so I’m going to grab a light bite.” Or, before ordering, let everyone know, including the server, that you would like a separate check.
And please don’t be that person who orders a lot of food and then suggests splitting the check evenly because you think your friend “has it like that.”
Take the lead in finding low-cost alternatives. You don’t have to always point out you’re on a budget. Without fanfare, suggest restaurants and events within your means.
If your wealthier friend wants to eat at an expensive place, and you can’t afford it, learn to be comfortable in saying, “I can’t this time. But thanks for asking me to join you.”
If you need help, it’s okay to ask. Pride can keep you from asking for financial assistance. But be prepared to hear “No,” and not resent it.
I don’t recommend loans between friends and family, but if you insist, be realistic about when you can repay the money. If something changes, don’t ghost your friend. Let them know circumstances have changed and revisit your agreement.
Live your life based on your own financial truth. Don’t put yourself in debt to keep up with someone else’s lifestyle.
Let’s say your rich BFF wants to go on a cruise. You know you can’t afford the trip. Be honest and say, “That trip sounds amazing, but it’s outside my budget right now.”
McDaniel said she accepts that she and James live in two different financial worlds.
“Savannah has accommodated where I’m at,” she said. “So like, if we want to go away, I can’t just be like, ‘Are we going away tomorrow?’ Cause I’m on a budget.”
These two women gave us a master class in what a healthy friendship looks like: one anchored in clear boundaries, open communication and the confidence to live comfortably within one’s own financial reality.
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