Can you believe this police state we’re living in? A man can’t even sneak into somebody’s backyard hot tub and start making out with a rubber duck anymore without being caught on somebody’s Orwellian backyard camera. I thought this was America. Land of the free, home of the brave enough to break into somebody’s home and make out with their squeak toys.
According to the Chatham County Police Department, police in Georgia are looking for a man who decided to take a dip in a stranger’s backyard pool amenities like he was indulging himself in a late-night spa treatment. Things got a little hot and heavy when the breaking and entering turned sexual as the man could be seen romantically engaging a poolside rubber duck.
Police Are Searching for a Man Who Spent 10 Minutes ‘Intensely Interacting’ With a Rubber Duck
Police say the man entered a private residence near Savannah sometime between 2:15 and 5:30 a.m. Sept. 1. He immediately started swimming, then climbed into the hot tub and settled in for some quality one-on-one time with the homeowner’s rubber duck.
Now, you’re probably assuming that the cops are making a big deal out of what was maybe just one admittedly weird kiss planted on a rubber duck’s bill. No. Police say this man spent more than 10 minutes intensely interacting with the toy, or, as the police put it, the man was “becoming infatuated with a rubber duck” as he was “intensely interacting” with it.
We know there was kissing involved, but to what extent this man took the romantic interaction remains a bit of a mystery, and for all our sake it should remain that way. Eventually, the guy ended his poolside tryst with the rubber duck and fled via bicycle, but not before allegedly snatching up six beach towels collectively worth about $1,200.
Must be some darn good towels.
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