Real Fits and Fictional Feet—This Week On VICE: Members Only

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On August 27, a piece of video content arrived like a harbinger of certain doom. Rockstar Games released their 26-minute extended look at Grand Theft Auto VI—which, before you all rush to ask, is loggable on Letterboxd—and promptly obliterated any remaining hope I had of society “progressing.” Don’t get me wrong, the game looks incredible. As many have noted with a stoic sense of acceptance, the immersive world—whose map is three times bigger than Red Dead Redemption 2—is already destined to destroy hobbies, gym routines, and marriages worldwide, like another pandemic that exclusively targets households containing at least one light up keyboard. However, the loudest response by far came, as it typically does, from the terminally online and pornsick.

Almost as soon as the extended look dropped, fans descended like seagulls at Brighton Beach scavenging for a glimpse of the female protagonist’s toenails. Within an hour, X was flooded with videos titled “Lucia’s Ass Jiggle Physics Compilation”, “Lucia Feet Extensive Breakdowns”, and never before seen sentences such as:

Which is fine, I suppose. Things, broadly, aren’t going very well for humanity. Why shouldn’t we go out by crashing the species headfirst into an iceberg of our own sexual frustrations? Better to burn your retinas spending a minimum of 12 hours a day lusting after digitally rendered Latina ass than to fade away, or whatever Neil Young said.

As VICE’s Adam Christopher Smith notes, we are in for a “long, horny winter.” And that goes for all of us, not just the people zooming in on Lucia’s hip to waist ratio with the cold, diligent gaze of Ed Kemper.

“Given the desire to document each drop of sweat on her back and the lengthy discussions about whether she does or doesn’t have armpit hair, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the drool emojis are only out for Lucia. But her “big beefy princess boyfriend,” Jason, has also been recruited to play an important role within the psychosexual dreamscape. He’s been labeled “a cuck,” which is both the manosphere’s favorite putdown and—perhaps not coincidentally—an increasingly popular type of porn.”

Read Adam’s full dissection of the response to the GTA 6 trailer below:

Meanwhile, in the physical realm, photographer Vincent Pflieger aka Streetadelic has been spending a lot of time at everyone’s favorite beachside time warp: Coney Island. While much of New York City gets cannibalized by liminal small plates restaurants and branches of Blank Street, Coney Island—with its janky roller coasters, resolved circus people, and array of fits you are unlikely to see anywhere else unless you are prone to hallucination—is a world unto itself. Vincent says:

“[Coney Island] has this culture, this authenticity, this spirit. Though it’s still pretty touristy, it’s kind of an escape world for New Yorkers. You come here for hot dogs, burgers, and if you don’t like it, you get the fuck out. There are none of these weird-ass coffee shops that you find everywhere, or all these fancy barbershops. It’s always the same. Coney Island doesn’t change.”

Read our full interview with Vincent and check out his photos below:

Emma Garland
Deputy Editor, VICE Magazine

To get past the paywall, sign up for VICE membership. A Digital Only subscription is just $2 a month (or $20 a year, if you prefer), while $70 a year also gets you 4 issues of VICE magazine, delivered straight to your door. (All three kill all the ads on this site.)

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