Music journalism is going to the wall, and places for sensible, well-informed, nuanced takes on the latest releases are dwindling. So we thought we might as well put the final nail in the coffin.
I’m a dog for new music, sometimes I’m cocking my ear with curiosity, other times I’m raising a leg to mark my territory. There are so many new releases dropping every week, how can your possibly be expected to sniff out what is or isn’t worth your time?
VICE magazine’s joyous comeback has meant the much anticipated return of record reviews. But this business is too important to deal with on a quarterly basis, so we’ll now be giving out praise and beatings every week.
That said, please do subscribe to the magazine, you wouldn’t want to miss out on all the absurdist noms de plume and band names inspired by the making of the issue—some of them are as Good/bad/idk as Man/Woman/Chainsaw.
The London six-piece’s debut is this dog’s main bone of contention today, though we start with something a little more engagement-friendly.
Overmono
Pure Devotion
XL Recordings
Famously, rave music makes it possible for thousands of strangers to enter a dark room late at night and, due to some alchemical mix of blinding lasers and deafening bass weight, emerge from there as brothers, bound together by the strength of their experiences and common chemical choices. This sleek, rapturous second album from Overmono is glorious confirmation of that, although anyone who’d ever been to one of Tom and Ed Russell’s live shows (reconstituted unerringly here) could’ve told you as much already. What’s special about Pure Devotion is the way that it casts the same spell without the aid of pills and party atmospherics. The unbearable beauty of “Knight In Shining Prada”—poet John Joseph Holt’s rending tribute to his own brother, who passed away in 2017—would be unbearably beautiful anywhere: commuter train, dairy aisle, pet shop, barber’s chair; an album highlight and bittersweet reinforcement of just how deep fraternal heartbreak can cut. So reach out through this screen, and hold your brothers tonight, wherever they are. We’ve all got unfinished business to attend to, and we will only get through it together.
8/10
UNCLE FIESTA
Man/Woman/Chainsaw
Cannonball
Fiction Records
[It’s hard to get anyone to read music reviews these days, but Man/Woman/Chainsaw’s name is a godsend for any fame-hungry Reels prankster so desperate to game the attention economy they’re prepared to hire from the local hardware store a hard hat, safety goggles, and an actual chainsaw:] “When I first heard the single ‘Nosedive’, it was immediately apparent I was listening to one of the most exciting UK bands since Los Campesinos! (there are many similarities in their textured, dramatic sound) [I scream over the noise] AND Cannonball FROM Man/Woman/Chainsaw IS CERTAINLY A DEFT, AMBITIOUS DEBUT RECORD THAT OFFERS PLENTY TO GET REVVED UP ABOUT…”
[Pulls the cord repeatedly to get the chainsaw restarted, clearly this hack has never done any kind of manual labor, and as it shudders in his hands it’s obvious he’s doubting whether this bit was such a good idea after all] “This mature, SOPHISTICATED collection of songs is evidence that, though this band formed when the members were just 16, THEY’VE WASTED NO TIME IN LEARNING THEIR CRAFT. And though there is a little DEAD WOOD, DRAMATIC gestures, which don’t entirely RESOLVE THEMSELVES, the kind of moments more experienced musicians might have CUT, this is undoubtedly part of the RAUCOUS CHARM…”
[Now it’s kicked into gear, he’s screaming, struggling to make himself heard above the whir of vicious machinery]: “FROM THE GIDDY STRINGS OF ‘ONLY GIRL’ TO THE BROODING ORCHESTRATION OF ‘SOMETHING ELSE TO GIVE’, EVEN THE MOST CASUAL LISTENER WILL FIND PLENTY HERE TO DEEPEN THEIR APPRECIATION OF THESE YOUNG LONDONERS WHO ARE THE SUBJECT OF SO MUCH WELL-DESERVED BUZZ…”
[Swinging the chainsaw wildly around his head]: “IT ALMOST SEEMS A SHAME TO HAVE TO—”[the blade comes down on the record sleeve, which is instantly shredded, shards of splintered vinyl flying everywhere. And unfortunately, it appears the reviewer has severed a finger as the pages of his notebook quickly saturate with fresh blood].
RRRAAAAAAUUUNNK-K-K-K-KKRRRAAAWWWWVVRRRRRAAANGGG-CHNK-CHNK-BRRRRRRRREEEEEOOOOWWWWWW. [Don’t you miss physical media?]
7/10
VEGAN LEATHERFACE
John Carpenter, Cody Carpenter, Daniel Davies
Cathedral
Sacred Bones
Cathedral is the great American moviemaker’s debut graphic novel and accompanying soundtrack—very much the kind of thing I would’ve found cool before hitting puberty. Look, John, I’m not gonna read your comic book but—seeing as how you’re the literal father of modern horror, and a synth pioneer—I’ll let you off. “It’s fine,” I scream, as I fire my shotgun through the window at the shadowy assailants lurking somewhere out there in the dark.
6/10
THEY/THEM LIVE
Dresden Dolls
Yes, Virginia… (Tailor’s Version)
Eight Foot Records
During my millennial childhood there was a lot of Dresden Dolls playing in the house, a soundtrack that was distinctly not of my choosing, so I would never feel any need to listen to their 2006 album, Yes, Virginia… again, let alone versions that have been re-recorded (by the original members or anyone else). Deeply unattractive though it might be, Amanda Palmer’s Brechtian punk cabaret did offer a certain vaudeville distraction from the corseted tedium of suburbia. But by the time us small-town kids leave home, most of us have outgrown the need for steampunk sing-song time, along with Tim Burton movies, Neil Gaiman novels (*ahem*), MMORPGs, and anything else that ever persuaded people it was acceptable to wear a top hat in public. I don’t know if anyone has spent the last 20 years waiting patiently for new versions of “My Alcoholic Friends” and “Backstabber”. Surely at a certain point you either discover The Fall (whose 1979 track is one of the sources of the band’s name) and look back on everything you used to listen to with a mixture of embarrassment and disdain, or you just give up on having taste altogether and avoid any music apart from your prescribed daily dose of Taylor Swift? Whichever camp life has forced you into, it is likely you will hate this.
1/10
STIM BURTON
Twenty One Pilots
More Than We Ever Imagined (Live in Mexico City)
Fueled by Ramen
I don’t know if life really is a simulation, in the way that the all-powerful computer club kids who run our reality delight in speculating that it might be. All I know is that every day you can subject yourself to new and outlandish experiences online—for instance, I just watched an old man in a hospital gown doing skateboard tricks on a dachshund’s back—and compared to the constant hum of these artificially generated horrors, a live recording of an electro-pop-rap-rock concert is a distinctly old-fashioned form of torture. I suppose at least now I know what it would be like being trapped in a stadium with 65,000 gamers, gooners, and geeks, so maybe I should be thanking Twenty One Pilots for sparing me from ever having to do this IRL.
3/10
CHARLES FATBERG
Follow Adam on Instagram @yungtolstoi
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