Have you ever wondered about the different dating standards, goals, and expectations of each generation? Perhaps you’ve noticed your parents’ or grandparents’ dissatisfaction with your “type” of partner, or maybe you’re tired of hearing your younger sibling’s unsolicited feedback about your long-term relationship. Whatever the case, it seems every generation values different qualities in romantic connections—and that disconnect can feel heavy at times.
“Each generation has been influenced and formed by the world they grew up in,” says Stacey Sheller, LMFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at The Grove Recovery Community. “All have had their social values (what society deems acceptable or unacceptable) shaped by that world; all have grown up with a certain level of technological advancements; all have experienced changes in the economy and, as such, have seen how an economy influences the world they live in.”
Here’s what Sheller shares about the different generations’ relationship values.
Gen Z: Emotional Openness
Gen Z (birth years: ~1997 and 2012) tend to prioritize emotional safety and connection above all else—sometimes even above compatibility. Their main goal is to feel at peace with their person, and they don’t mind voicing their needs or holding each other accountable.
“Many Gen Z adults feel that it is acceptable to openly talk about mental health, their personal boundaries, and their emotional needs within relationships; they believe that open dialogue is important for establishing trust,” says Sheller. “The fact that there was so much more information available on mental health education and online discussions for Gen Z has helped make mental health issues and other topics such as personal boundaries and emotional needs more socially acceptable.”
Millennials: A Strong Partnership
Millennials (birth years: ~1981 and 1996) tend to view relationships more as partnerships. In other words, their significant other becomes a team member, working toward their shared goals together.
“Many Millennials see their relationship as a partnership that is built on shared discussions regarding how they will manage their financial resources, their career paths, how they can work together to create a stable home environment, and what long-term goals they want to pursue,” Sheller explains. “In addition to sharing an emotional connection, many Millennials also seek commonality in other aspects of their daily lives.”
Gen X and Baby Boomers: ‘Traditional’ Expectations
Gen X (birth years: ~1965 and 1980) and Baby Boomers (birth years: ~1946 to 1964) tend to be more “old-fashioned” in their dating approach.
“Many in these generations were influenced by traditional roles of dating, marriage, and family while growing up,” says Sheller. “These experiences continue to shape what they expect from commitments today.”
Defining Your Own Relationship Values
Sometimes, hearing someone else’s standards and values can make you question your own. However, it’s also important to validate your own unique wants and needs in a relationship.
“Every individual, regardless of their generational identity, is unique,” says Sheller. “Many in each of the different generations have also been able to adapt their expectations for commitment based on how both society and relationship options have changed.”
Remember: You are the one dating your partner. You get to choose for yourself.
The post What Your Generation Wants Most in a Relationship, According to a Therapist appeared first on VICE.
