There’s no better time to fall in love than when you’re feeling confident and relaxed in a luxurious location—while on vacation. In fact, falling in love (or at least in lust) on vacation is common, likely because it offers the ultimate “honeymoon” phase for your connection.
The odds of your relationship lasting, however? Not quite as high.
According to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a relationship expert at Hily Dating App and Harvard-trained clinical psychologist, this phenomenon is known as “the vacation mirage.”
“Vacation settings create a distortion because the responsibility of daily life is removed, creating a more escapist fantasy world away from the pressures of our daily life at home,” Dr. Romanoff told VICE. “We may not only internalize that freedom, adventure, and unencumbered novelty but also project those feelings onto others as vacations can create the perfect conditions for a fantasy-based relationship.”
Wondering whether your vacation fling can turn into something more permanent? Dr. Romanoff gave us four signs to look for.
1. Your Values and Lifestyles Align in the Real World
Anyone can get along when they’re lounging on the beach and sipping margaritas under the sun. But do your lives align in the real world?
“For example: you both live in the same city, or both have similar interests in how you spend your time, both want a relationship, and have shared values when it comes to friendships, family, religion, health, and active lifestyles,” Dr. Romanoff says. “This is important because once the excitement and novelty of the trip settles, real-world compatibility will determine the strength of the relationship.”
2. They Factor You Into Their Life at Home
If your vacation crush is already talking about how you’d make your relationship work in the real world, this is a positive sign.
“They talk about their schedule at home and how you would be included in it, they share their work goals or current things they’re working on, or they talk about their family or important friendships at home,” Dr. Romanoff points out. “This is a reliable signal because it shows they are sharing their real world with you and negotiating a place for you in it. They’re signaling future orientation by opening up about both the less-than-perfect aspects of their life and the important things that they want you to be a part of.”
3. You Enjoy the Small Moments Together
A genuine connection doesn’t require lavish experiences or expensive date nights, which are common on vacations. If you feel excited about the small, seemingly mundane moments together, you likely have a stronger connection than the average summer fling.
“The dopamine rush that can come from a vacation—and the adventure and excitement that comes with it—can easily conflate enjoying the journey versus the person you’re on it with,” Dr. Romanoff says. “You can differentiate the two by understanding if you are drawn to them in the quiet moments without the vacation-enriched magic, or if you’re really just enchanted by the context and having someone to share it with.”
4. You Navigate Stressful Moments Together
Vacations don’t often involve as much stress or as many conflicts as daily life, but if you notice your vacation lover supporting you during tough moments, compromising on plans, or having deep conversations about your needs, I’d take it as a positive sign.
“This is so important because it shows their ability to negotiate your needs with their own and ultimately shows concern for your well-being even if it comes at the expense of their preferences or maintaining a ‘perfect façade,’” says Dr. Romanoff. “Couples who are able to make it past the honeymoon phase are so much stronger than those who ‘never fight’ because they can manage the inevitable bumps in the road and become stronger through the repair process after small ruptures.”
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