Dating an emotionally immature partner can be exhausting and even infuriating at times. Though they’re not a bad person, per se, they can make relationships difficult to maintain.
While everyone has their faults, and most relationships run into some of the following issues, patterns will help you understand whether it’s a deeper issue within your partner. Here are six signs you’re dating an emotionally immature partner, according to a therapist.
1. You Don’t Feel Heard
No one wants to feel as though they’re speaking into the void in their own relationships. A partner who does not take your needs seriously is likely too emotionally immature to show up for you.
“Expressing needs is important in a relationship,” says Dr. Brittany Woolford, Licensed Psychologist and Co-founder of Authentic Connections Therapy and Wellness. “You notice a pattern that when you bring up a need, it’s consistently met with minimization or deflection, and can even lead to you reassuring them.”
2. They View Feedback as an Attack
Someone who cannot tolerate feedback without becoming defensive is difficult to work with, especially during times of conflict.
“You can’t have a healthy relationship without feedback,” Woolford points out. “When an emotionally immature partner hears feedback, they often interpret it as an attack. This leaves you feeling like your relationship will never improve or grow.”
3. They Avoid Talk of the Future
If your partner tells you they prefer “living in the present” and refuses to talk about the future you want to build together, they might not be emotionally equipped enough for a committed or long-term relationship.
“Whenever conversations about your partner’s feelings about you and the future of the relationship come up, the conversation is changed, or a vague answer is given,” Woolford suggests. “It’s vulnerable to talk about the relationship, and emotionally immature partners avoid the emotional depth of this type of conversation.”
4. They Avoid Conflict At All Costs
It’s easy to show up fully when a relationship is sunshine and butterflies—but what about when there’s inevitable conflict?
“When it’s great, it’s great; when it’s not, they disappear,” Woolford points out about emotionally immature partners. “After even a minor conflict, they shut down, withdraw, and become distant. Even after you give them time and space, they never come back to the conversation to repair; instead, they act [as if] nothing has happened. They may even deny that they are being more distant if you bring it up.”
This can be incredibly confusing and frustrating for the other person who merely wants to work through issues and move forward together.
5. You Manage the Emotional Load of the Relationship
Carrying the emotional labor in a relationship is exhausting. Unfortunately, someone who is emotionally immature typically sheds this responsibility and lets their partner carry the weight alone.
“They can’t name their own emotions or ask for what they need, so you end up having to do it for both of you,” Woolford states. “You notice that you’re monitoring your tone, softening your delivery, and shrinking.”
Over time, this can lead to resentment and burnout, both of which are detrimental to even the healthiest of connections.
6. Differences Become Deal-Breakers
No person is the same, which is why relationships require mutual sacrifice. While major incompatibilities might be dealbreakers, minor differences can easily be worked through with the right partner. However, an emotionally immature one might not share that perspective.
“A differing opinion or interest is met with ‘we’re just too different.’ Instead of becoming curious about these differences and having complex conversations about how these could be a strength, they see it as a relationship ender,” Woolford says. “And now you feel like every disagreement becomes a threat to the relationship.”
The post 6 Red Flags You’re Dating Someone Who Is Emotionally Immature appeared first on VICE.
