I left home for college at age 17, then spent over a decade living several states away from my family.
By my late 20s, I had built a life in San Francisco with my husband while my family was settled back in the Pacific Northwest.
However, after four years in the Bay Area — with a 3-year-old and another baby on the way — we decided to move closer to family. A lot closer.
Coming from big, close-knit families ourselves, my husband and I wanted our children to grow up with their cousins and grandparents nearby. Plus, worn out by the demands of working full-time while parenting small kids, we dreamed of having more childcare support.
We bought a house with two separate living spaces in Seattle and invited my parents to move in with us. They have the ground-floor mother-in-law apartment, and my husband and I live upstairs with our two boys.
Now we’re coming up on our 10th year in a multigenerational household — and it’s been wonderful.
When we first moved in together, I worried about giving up some level of autonomy. In the years when I lived far away, I might go a month without speaking to my parents; now, they’d be able to hear my footsteps in the kitchen if I got up for a midnight snack.
But I hoped the benefits of moving back in with my parents would outweigh the potential drawbacks, and they have.
Our kids love the living setup
First and foremost, our living arrangement is great for my kids.
They often stop by the downstairs apartment after school for a graham cracker slathered in Nutella, a grandparents-only treat they call “Snack of the Day.” They might play a game of Uno with my mom or shoot some hoops out back with my dad before they head upstairs to our house.
My husband and I benefit from grandparent time, too: on weekends, my dad often invites his early-rising grandkids down for pancakes so that we can sleep in. My mom also provided regular childcare for my younger son when he was a baby, after I returned to full-time work.
The close connection with my parents was especially meaningful during the COVID-19 pandemic. Keeping my parents in our quarantine “bubble” meant that all of us felt less isolated.
Even when we did practice social distancing at times, we could easily wave through the window, drop off a meal, or even meet in the front yard to chat or toss a Frisbee — and when my parents got sick around this time, we were close by to lend a hand.
We’re able to save money and share resources
Before we moved in together, my parents had been renting an apartment, but were slowly getting priced out of Seattle’s booming housing market.
This arrangement makes housing more affordable for all of us. Along with our lower monthly housing costs, we share everything from certain chores to an internet account.
We’re glad to be able to use their lawn mower and other yard equipment, things we never acquired as renters in San Francisco. In turn, we help my parents with matters from heavy lifting to technical support. (Recently, I showed my mom how to upload files to Google Drive.)
We occasionally borrow each other’s cars, easing the pressure for either family unit to buy a second vehicle. Also, as my parents age, we’ll be able to check in on them easily and provide more support when they need it.
Living with your parents as an adult probably isn’t for everyone, but it’s been life-giving for me
It helps that we’re not constantly stepping on each other’s toes, either literally or figuratively. We come and go through separate entrances and have full lives independent of each other.
My parents also stay busy with work and community involvement. They have a wide social network in Seattle, as well as five other adult children and six other grandchildren.
Sometimes, several days go by without us even seeing each other — and when we do, we are eager to catch up.
I’m glad I left home in my 20s and explored the world on my own terms, putting some temporary distance between myself and my family. I think that experience helped me to come home again — not as a child returning to old habits but as a mature adult, choosing a life of connection for herself and her own children.
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