What’s a “good-bad” movie? It’s the kind of flick that might have you cackling, hollering or groaning, one that is not necessarily great cinema but is great fun. It’s highly watchable even though — or maybe because — it’s memorably ridiculous. And it always has at least one element that pushes it into absurd territory.
“I asked Michael why it was easier to train oil drillers to become astronauts than it was to train astronauts to become oil drillers, and he told me to shut the [expletive] up, so that was the end of that talk,” Ben Affleck famously said about the director Michael Bay in the outrageous DVD commentary for the 1998 space disaster “Armageddon.”
He starred in the movie, the highest-grossing in the world that year, as A.J., one of said oil drillers (the hunky arrogant one with a heart of gold, to be specific) among a misfit crew of roughnecks sent to space by NASA to destroy a Texas-size asteroid on course to explode Earth in mere days.
Just about every person who’s watched this movie probably had the same question that Affleck asked Bay, but “Armageddon” is not at all concerned with the pesky constraints of science and logic. Instead, it’s proud to be overloaded with wildly implausible facts, figures, graphics, maps and missions.
In fact, it is modern lore that NASA has used the movie as part of its training program, supposedly asking trainees to spot as many errors as possible. The biggies: the vacuum in space does not apply when up against Bay’s penchant for earsplitting sound effects; the asteroid’s Earthlike gravity allows the crew to simply stroll across it; sending up two shuttles side by side would be clearly catastrophic.
But, you know, sometimes style is more memorable than substance, especially in a popcorn flick that goes for broke.
What Makes It Good?
Massive Stars in Space
Despite the contrived circumstances, Affleck channels oodles of charisma, fun and, dare I say, substance into the role. And he’s not alone. The ensemble cast is stacked with A-listers (Affleck and Bruce Willis); ’90s favorites (Liv Tyler, Michael Clarke Duncan, Steve Buscemi); and a couple classic That Guys (William Fichtner, Will Patton).
“Armageddon” is overwhelmed with men — Tyler’s character, Grace, is just about the only woman we hear speak more than once — but they all deliver performances as colorful and audacious as the film itself.
And Bay’s slow-motion hero walk, of the drillers suited up for space headed out to save humanity, is among the most indelible images of ’90s moviegoing.
What Makes It Bad?
Utter ‘Bayhem’ and Aerosmith Overload
Bay has cultivated one of the most undeniable signature aesthetics in filmmaking defined by that brand of dramatic slow motion as well as rapid-fire edits, practical explosions, adrenaline-fueled pacing, hyper-stylized visuals and camera movements that achieve the parallax effect. It’s a style so distinct, it’s been dubbed “Bayhem,” and is on full display in his movies “Bad Boys,” “The Rock,” “Pearl Harbor” and, of course, here.
The problem is that, before long, “Armageddon” settles into a formula that isn’t exactly storytelling but sequences of montages packed with these tricks before breaking briefly for tender lulls.
Roger Ebert described the movie as “the first 150-minute trailer,” calling it “an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense and the human desire to be entertained.”
By the last 45 minutes, “Armageddon” is so visually and aurally jarring, those prone to motion sickness may want to steel themselves.
But that’s not all that’s hard to stomach: The film is a showcase of Aerosmith songs, and the movie’s theme song, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” was propelled to hit status. But hearing Steven Tyler (Liv Tyler’s father) soundtrack sensual moments involving his daughter and Affleck is pretty darn awkward.
What Makes It Good-Bad?
Animal Crackers and Singalongs
Despite the bells and whistles, some of the scenes that have stuck with audiences fall within the “tender lull” portions. Namely, the animal crackers foreplay between A.J. and Grace in which he muses about whether animal crackers are crackers at all as he puts on an Australian accent and gallops a couple across her midsection as her top falls open. It’s so bizarre that it somehow works. That the two actors are gorgeous of course helps sell the schmaltzy pillow talk.
Another such scene is when the whole gang, standing on the NASA tarmac moments before blasting off, breaks out in song: “Leaving on a Jet Plane,” naturally.
It’s cheesy yet heartfelt, and in keeping with the theme — since every minute counts as the threat of global extinction looms — it defies all logic.
Maya Salam is an editor and reporter, focusing primarily on pop culture across genres.
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