I recently read a hilarious yet semi-concerning article on YourTango titled, “If A Man Has These 11 Increasingly Rare Things In His Home, He’s An Absolute Keeper.” While the piece was certainly playful and entertaining, I couldn’t help but wonder: Are we really accepting the absolute bare minimum from men and labeling them as “keepers”?
The internet often jokes that “the bar is in hell” for men in the dating scene, but let’s not make the sweeping generalization that men are incapable of caring for themselves and their homes. I’ve met plenty of men who had their lives together enough to own clean towels and fitted sheets.
So, I decided to speak with a professional about the actual signs a man is a keeper, extending far beyond basic hygiene products. Here are four green flags to look for when visiting a man’s home.
1. Intentionality
Someone who is intentional with their space is someone who cares enough to make an effort. This behavior often translates seamlessly into relationships.
“One of the first things I will notice is if the house seems intentional,” says Niloufar Esmaeilpour, a Registered Clinical Counsellor, Approved Supervisor, and Founder of Lotus Therapy & Counselling Centre. “When I see items such as framed pictures, books that he has actually read, plants he is able to keep alive, and hobbies included within the house, this generally indicates that he has a stable sense of self. Maturity typically involves building an environment around you that represents care, constancy, and identity; not merely functionality.”
2. Cleanliness and Organization
In today’s world, we unfortunately can’t all afford the nicest furniture, expensive decor, or even a fully stocked fridge. Superficial products or an all-organic diet do not define any human’s worth. Thankfully, it doesn’t cost much to maintain a clean (yet lived-in!) space.
Esmaeilpour stresses that cleanliness is not synonymous with perfection.
“What I am referring to is a home that shows respect to the people entering it (including himself) and a level of respect for the cleanliness and organization of the home,” she says. “The presence of hand soap, extra towels, and reasonable cleanliness in the bathroom, as well as a kitchen that does not resemble a crime scene, suggests that he is able to plan for the needs of those in his home. These are all subtle indicators of emotional concern—something much greater than showy gestures—in relationships.”
3. Structure
Esmaeilpour also points out the need for structure within a home.
“Some examples of these types of areas include grocery shopping and having food in the refrigerator, calendars hung on walls, workspaces that appear to have been used (as opposed to appearing vacant), etc.,” she explains. “Generally speaking, they indicate that he has structured himself to think about what he will need over time—a quality that is supportive of developing healthy relationships.”
“Individuals who can effectively manage their day-to-day lives are likely to bring additional stability and dependability into their relationships due to their ability to manage their own emotions,” she continues.
4. Comfort and Hospitality
When visiting someone’s home, you want to feel welcome in the environment. This doesn’t mean you need to own the latest and greatest household items. Some of the warmest and coziest of homes are on the more modest side, with basic necessities but a clean and comforting feel. A home should feel like a safe environment to step into, and one that anticipates and accommodates its guests.
“I find it extremely indicative of a man’s emotional maturity when his home appears to represent relationships/community. Examples may include game nights with friends, family photos, mementos from travels with loved ones, or simply signs that invite guests to feel welcome,” says Esmaeilpour. “While isolation is not always indicative of poor emotional health, a life filled with genuine connection(s) generally provides strong evidence that he will exhibit healthier emotional habits.”
Simply put: “If, upon walking into his house, I feel confident that he enjoys spending time at home, takes pride in his living arrangements, and expects no other individual to ‘cure’ his lifestyle for him, then this is a substantial green light,” says Esmaeilpour. “Most successful mature relationship development occurs when each partner understands how to take care of themselves prior to combining their efforts.”
The post 4 Green Flags to Look for the First Time You See His Apartment (That Aren’t Soap and Toilet Paper) appeared first on VICE.
