When I look around, I see the fingerprints of the mothers in my life everywhere. My own mother never fails to send a hand-drawn picture, a thoughtful note, or a sweet gift in the mail for any holiday. She loves and squeals over every picture of my son that I text her way when we’re apart. I live very close to my mother-in-law; in a given week, she may give me a couple of hours to run errands while she and my 5-year-old son get up to hijinks, cook us a meal, or share information about an awesome kids’ event coming up.
It’s not just my mother and mother-in-law. My grandmother-in-law is constantly baking and cooking for the family, and hosts Sunday dinners at her nearby home. My aunt-in-law is also known for her cooking, and the combination of her stellar food and impeccable design sense means she’s the best party host ever. She also always seems to find the perfect shirt or pair of shoes for my child when she’s out thrift shopping with my mother-in-law. The generosity of the women in my life is bottomless.
What isn’t bottomless, ironically, is their willingness to accept gifts themselves, so I’ve had to get creative when it comes to celebrating them.
I’m sneaky about how I appreciate them all year long
I’m always trying to figure out ways to put a little kindness on my side of the scale, even if the moms in my life will always have me beat. It’s not performative: I don’t arm-wrestle for the check at the restaurant. But if I’m going to the grocery store while my mother-in-law cares for my son, I’m going to ask her if she needs anything, and I’m going to do my best to wave off any cash she tries to pay me back.
It’s not just money, though. If one of the moms in my life is doing an event, whether it’s public speaking, hosting a party, or really anything, I’m going to show up. And if there’s a group costume in the works? I will wear it with flair.
It’s also about trying to break out of my own forgetfulness and busy days to be better at remembering. I try to put their birthdays in my Google calendar with reminders a week or two out. I remember to bring a batch of the sourdough crackers my aunt-in-law loves to the family gathering, and I always send them pictures of my kid looking handsome in the adorable thrifted clothing finds they give him. Rather than just being about being conscientious, it’s about showing them how much their kindness has fostered our family’s close and comfortable dynamic.
I also make Mother’s Day a big deal
While I’ve always done a card with flowers or chocolates, since I had my own kid, Mother’s Day became more than a somewhat-nice greeting-card holiday to me. It’s a day where the moms in my life have no excuse but to accept other people taking care of them!
Sometimes, that looks like my husband going over to clean some gutters or replace some deck boards. Sometimes, it’s coordinating a big Mother’s Day brunch at a favorite spot in town. Other years, it’s slipping a good gift card for a beach house rental into my mother-in-law’s card. We’re going to try to make the most of our options for taking good care of the moms in our lives on Mother’s Day.
There are certainly years where the “all out” aspect has to be emotional rather than money-based, but I’m comfortable saving up for a while before one of their birthdays or a day like Mother’s Day. I know that every meal they share with us, sending us home with leftovers, adds up, and while I don’t think I can fully repay them, springing for the spa gift certificate or picking up the check for a tasty lunch with them is one of the best uses I can think of for my discretionary funds.
Lastly, even though my kid is not much of an arts and crafts guy, I’ve started to teach him the same thing. The women in his life are worth celebrating, and while at this stage it’s with drawings and cards covered in construction equipment stickers, I hope that he’ll share my view in the future, which is that the selfless people in our lives should be noticed and cherished, all year as well as on special days just for them.
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