This interview is based on a conversation with Dr. Chris Schenewerk, 57, a primary healthcare physician from St Louis, Illinois. It has been edited for length and clarity.
There’s a saying in the recovery community that addicts do four things: lie, steal, manipulate, and lie.
I became an expert in deception, finding ways to make the evidence of my drinking magically disappear. One of my methods was to drink a bottle of wine, refill it with water containing purple dye, and replace the cork.
Then I’d carefully put the foil back on so it looked brand new again. Trouble was, I couldn’t keep track and kept opening the bottles of colored water by mistake.
I started drinking at 14, the summer between middle school and high school. It was a rite of passage. While everyone else would be passed out, I’d be saying, “Come on, let’s go! Why are you all sleeping?”
My drinking became increasingly destructive
I was always the last one to tuck in for the night because I wanted to keep living that feeling. It felt the same when I was in pre-med, although there was no drinking during the week.
It didn’t become a destructive pattern until after I’d completed med school at the University of Illinois in Chicago and my residency. You were too busy working.
Then, when I started my practice, the pace was slower, and I had breathing room. I had my sons, now 29 and 27, and my wife and I often hosted parties at our house.
I became known as the party guy who liked to have fun. During my divorce, however, drinking stopped being fun and became survival.
It felt like the only way I could ease the pain and depression. Still, no matter how bad I felt, I never drank before work, during work, or when I was on call.
Things got worse during my second marriage. After a while, I was drinking up to four bottles of wine and a fifth and a half of vodka each night.
If I did the math, I spent between $2,000 and $ 3,000 a month on alcohol.
It was harder to disguise the fact that I had a problem. But it didn’t stop me from trying.
It got harder to disguise my hangovers
I’d check into the bar after office hours, but pretend that I’d gone to the gym. It got to the point where I’d pour water over myself so I looked sweaty when I came home, as if I’d had a tough workout.
I also turned to the trick with the purple dye. My wife got wise to it and threw away the corkscrews in the house. I was so desperate, I’d take a hammer to the glass — something I wouldn’t recommend.
It got increasingly difficult to hide my hangovers at work. I’d be dripping with perspiration, and a patient would say, “Are you OK, Doc?” A couple of colleagues expressed concern.
Things came to a head seven and a half years ago. I was dining at a winery with staff from my practice and excused myself to use the bathroom.
It was the first time that I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize my reflection. When I came out to get some fresh air, I ran into the wife of one of the doctors.
She made a joke, “Oh, you’re leaving so soon?” I said, “Could you come outside with me and sit in my car with me?” That’s when I lost it. I said to her that I was drunk and I didn’t know where I was.
She asked her husband to come out to help. Less than a week later, I was in rehabilitation in San Diego, then St Louis. My sober date was November 8, 2018.
At the time, I had chronic liver and kidney disease. My blood pressure was in the 200s over 100s, and my cholesterol was off the charts. At 6ft 2in tall, I weighed almost 300 pounds.
Sadly, my marriage didn’t last, but I continued in my recovery. I attended — and then launched — AA meetings in my local area.
I have increased my muscle mass
I ended up becoming the medical director of a recovery center, where we often start people off on a drug that reduces the desire for alcohol.
I recently returned to family practice and, in 2025, established The Walk Forward Foundation, which helps others get into drug or alcohol rehab who cannot afford it themselves.
My third wife, Angela, 52, whom I met in recovery and who works for the foundation, has been my rock.
I eat a lot of clean, plant-based food and exercise at least five times a week. My weight has dropped to 245 pounds, and I have much more muscle mass.
Meanwhile, my colleagues and patients have shown overwhelming love and support. Without them, I would not be alive today.
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