Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
An All-American Alternative
President Trump is scheduled to attend the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday for the first time since he’s been in office. Instead of a comedian, the event will be hosted by the mentalist Oz Pearlman.
“At the Correspondents’ Dinner, typically someone funny shows up and roasts the luminaries, the president, everyone,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday night.
So to demonstrate “some of the jokes a comedian might do if our president wasn’t a trembling drama queen,” Kimmel said, he took “a page from the Kid Rock alternative halftime show” and offered his own “all-American” version of the Correspondents’ Dinner.
“The president didn’t want me to tell any jokes about him tonight, but he also didn’t want to pay me $130,000 to shut up, so here we are.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“By the way, in the unfortunate event that our president has a medical emergency tonight, do we have a doctor in the house — oh, I’m sorry. I mean, do we have a Jesus in the house? I always confuse them, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I get why you think you’re Jesus. This guy, every time he walks into a room, people say, ‘Christ, he’s back.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“As the president will tell you repeatedly until you beg him to stop, President Trump has accomplished so much during his second term. He passed new incentives for oil and gas. He put the brakes on solar and wind. That will be your legacy, sir, breaking wind and passing gas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“But I do want to praise the POTUS. Look how far you’ve come. Thirty years ago you were just some rich guy on Jeffrey Epstein’s private jet out of Teterboro. But you worked hard, you stayed friends, you shared some wonderful secrets and, because of that, you were able to fly on that plane seven more times. Dreams really do come true.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Oh, by the way, before we go any further: Melania, this is Donald. Donald, this is Melania. That was my impression of Jeffrey Epstein.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“In all seriousness, I do want to thank the president. We are the hottest country in the world right now, and that’s all because of you, sir. You truly are the G.O.A.T. and a monkey and a pig. You made America great again, and you made comedy great again, and that is why I am — I’m very proud to announce the winner of the inaugural Burger King of comedy gold award goes to none other than our president, Donald J. Leno Trump. Congratulations, sir. And thank you.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Keeping Spirit Alive Edition)
“The Trump administration is reportedly in advanced talks to provide a rescue package for Spirit Airlines to help the carrier avoid liquidation. Because if Spirit Airlines goes out of business, I lose, like, half my monologue.” — SETH MEYERS
“And who better to own Spirit than the man who ran his own airline into the ground?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“They’re planning to invest $500 million. What is Spirit going to do with $500 million? They have one economy plus seat and it’s in the pilot’s lap.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“But Donald Trump needs a miracle. His poll numbers are way down, and I for one cannot think of a better way to get Americans to rally around him than spending 500 million of our dollars to save the least popular airline in the history of the planet Earth.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know, I flew Spirit recently, and they wouldn’t let us off the plane until everyone Venmoed the pilot for gas money.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yeah, you’ll know Trump owns Spirit Airlines when the layovers become comb-overs.” — JIMMY FALLON
“You’ll know Trump owns all of Spirit Airlines when the carry-ons can be no bigger than Marco Rubio.” — JIMMY FALLON
“You’ll know Trump owns Spirit Airlines when they go even more bankrupt.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Michael Stipe of R.E.M. told Stephen Colbert about using a sea shanty for songwriting inspiration on his forthcoming, first-ever solo album.
Also, Check This Out
Our critic says a new stage musical based on the 1980s tear-jerker “Beaches” is too muddled to make an emotional impact.
The post Jimmy Kimmel Roasts Trump at a Mock White House Correspondents’ Dinner appeared first on New York Times.
