Feelings of love and adoration have always been the strongest inspirations for the world’s biggest songs. Sometimes, though, a horny songwriter can crank out a big hit. That single can then take the radio by the cojones and not let go.
You could go back further, but “My Ding-a-Ling” is a great example. Originally written and recorded by Dave Bartholomew, the tune was his only Billboard No. 1 hit. It was later covered by Chuck Berry in 1972, and that’s when the double entendre of the song really shone. “My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling / I want you to play with my ding-a-ling.” The lyrics are supposed to be a toy bell, but the way Berry sings it… You know that’s what he means.
Over the years, mainstream radio has only gotten hornier, and few songs serve as strong evidence.
“Liquid Dreams” by O-Town
I’m honestly not sure if there is a hornier pop song from the late 90s/early 00s than “Liquid Dreams” by O-Town. The whole thing is about having a nocturnal emission, or “wet dream.”
Just check out the lyrics of the song’s chorus: “I dreamed about a girl who’s a mix of Destiny’s Child / Just a little touch of Madonna’s wild style / With Janet Jackson’s smile / Throw in a body like Jennifer’s / You’ve got the star of my liquid dream.”
Now, that is one horny Top 10 pop tune.
“Cherry Pie” by Warrant
The 80s hair metal era was mostly just blatantly horny songs, but Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” was a real standout.
We all know that classic chorus: “She’s my cherry pie / Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise / Tastes so good, make a grown man cry / Sweet cherry pie.” But, there’s this wildly horny line in one of the verses after frontman Jani Lane sings about “swingin’ in the kitchen” because “she wanted me to feed her…” He then wails: “So I mixed up the batter, and she licked the beater.”
I mean, good lord, that’s some salacious innuendo for a song that is widely considered to be one of the biggest glam rock hits of all time.
“I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd
In 1991, R&B stars Color Me Badd dropped “I Wanna Sex You Up”, a track that would go on to be a Top 10 hit on multiple Billboard charts.
It is also remarkably horny. The song’s iconic chorus goes: “I wanna sex you up… All night, girl you make me feel good / I want to (let me rub you down) / I wanna sex you up.”
But the whole song is basically a journey through trying to get laid. It goes from “Come inside, take off your coat, I’ll make you feel at home,” to “Let me take off all your clothes / Disconnect the phone so nobody knows.” Later, the group sings, “I wanna touch you in all the right places, baby…I wanna make love to you.”
Pretty horny stuff.
“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails
I dare you to find a bigger musical hit that is more aggressively horny than “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. It’s easily one of the most recognizable rock songs of the 90s.
Like, I could sit here and go through lyrics, but you know them. As soon as you saw the title of this list, you immediately thought of this song and these lyrics: “I wanna f*** you like an animal / I wanna feel you from the inside.” What else do I really have to say?
“Pony” by Geniuwine
Now, this s*** is HORNY horny.
When Ginuwine released “Pony” in 1996, it was a sizably horny hit. You could even say that the blatant nature of mainstream horniness in music changed significantly.
Hell, the horniness is right there in the chorus, quite literally: “If you’re horny, let’s do it / Ride it, my pony / My saddle’s waiting / Come and jump on it.”
It was a Billboard Hot 100 top 10 hit and landed at number one on the Billboard Hot R&B Singles chart. Which means that we, as a nation, collectively decided that we needed more of this in our lives.
The post The Horniest Songs Ever Written That Somehow Became Radio Hits appeared first on VICE.
