There are a handful of universal embarrassments we all suffer. Waving to someone who we thought was someone else is pretty awful. Then there’s accidentally calling someone the wrong name when you were certain you had it right.
Another one is when your parents discover that you listen to some of the most vile, disgusting, wretched filth ever committed to recording. That’s not to say the music is actually bad. But the way you feel in that moment, the shadow of shame that begins to envelop you… Really makes it feel that way.
So in the spirit of excavating that profound embarrassment for the sake of emotional sadism… let’s rank some songs by how embarrassing it would be for you if your parents walked in while you were listening to it at 15 or at 40…
“F*** Tha Police” by N.W.A.
“What? This is a classic.”
Frankly, no one should be embarrassed by N.W.A.’s “F*** Tha Police”. Our parents know about this song. It’s a classic, and it’s not going anywhere.
“I Touch Myself” by Divinyls:
“This is uncomfortable, but let’s move on.”
It would be weird if your parents walked on you listening to “I Touch Myself” by the Divinyls, but it’s not that weird. Like, on its own, it’s just a throwback song with some salacious subject matter. You can move past this pretty easily.
“Kim” by Eminem
“If I say that I was listening to ‘B**** Please II’ and forgot to stop the CD, does that make this less awkward?”
Getting caught listening to “Kim” was bad in 2000, and it’s not a whole lot better in 2026. Honestly, there’s just no good reason to engage with song anymore. I love Em, and I respect that track as a momentary expression of anger. But it’s so violent that it’s hard for me to listen to this alone now, let alone your mom finding out.
“The Ballad of Chasey Lain” by Bloodhound Gang
“I am sufficiently embarrassed.”
There are so many Bloodhound Gang songs that you could put on this list. Hell, the whole list could just be BHG’s discography.
There’s something especially embarrassing about “The Ballad of Chasey Lain”. What with all the things that frontman Jimmy Pop is desperate to do to Lain, and then asking her to “show’em them t***ies” when introducing her to his parents.
“Waving My D*** in the Wind” by Ween:
“I can explain…”
There are few things worse than your parents getting in your car and the CD player betraying you by kicking into Ween singing, “I’m waving my d*** in the wind”. I feel like I don’t really have to explain this one.
“Dance With the Devil” by Immortal Technique
“I am a sinner undeserving of mercy. No omnipotent God would forgive me.”
I’m honestly ashamed of myself for even bringing this one up. I was reminded of it recently, and when this list idea dropped into my lap, it was one of the first songs that came to mind.
For those who are unfamiliar, “Dance With the Devil” finds Immortal Technique recounting the life of a young man who winds up committing some truly heinous acts to be part of a gang. The track is allegedly based on a “true” story. Tech has said he slightly altered the lyrics to give himself a first-person perspective.
While it’s a masterfully crafted track, the content is profoundly shocking. It would make my momma so disappointed in me that I might get disinvited from every holiday the rest of the year.
The post Ranking Songs by How Awkward It Would Be if Your Parents Walked in While It Was Playing appeared first on VICE.
