When my son graduated from high school, it was a given that he would attend a four-year university. It seemed to suit him from the time any of us started thinking about his future plans.
His sister graduated two years later, and her path after high school was not as obvious.
She didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she knew she didn’t want to head straight into four more years of school. While she didn’t rule college out completely, she also didn’t know what she’d choose for a college major or what kind of career she wanted.
Instead, she’s taking her own path, and I couldn’t be prouder.
I’ve always tried to be supportive of my kids
When my kids were little, it was easy for me to proudly say that I’d support them in whatever they wanted to do. It was so easy because it didn’t occur to me just how many things they might do differently than I had.
All of them hated swimming laps, so not one of my kids was going to be on the swim team like I had been. While I had always believed I’d encourage them to follow their interests, it was hard for me.
Since I abandoned the swim team dream, I’ve had to let go of my assumptions about my kids several times. Each time, I’m surprised that it’s a challenge. I don’t think of myself as someone whose ego is wrapped up in her children, but sometimes, it catches me.
And not going straight to college? Until my daughter brought it up, I hadn’t thought one of the kids might consider it. I just sort of figured everyone would head straight there after high school.
That’s the fascinating part of having kids, though, isn’t it? They’re not all the same, thank goodness. And they’re not the same as I am, either (thank goodness again.) They’ve got their own ideas about things, and it’s a thrill to see where those ideas take them.
We ensured our daughter knew there was no requirement to go straight into more school. But we did expect her to do something productive. It could be work, it could be volunteering, or she’d have to help around the house. School wasn’t mandatory, but the alternative couldn’t be sitting around playing video games all day.
She tried out a job that aligned with her potential major
While she didn’t like the pressure of deciding what to do for the rest of her life straight out of high school, my daughter did have a few ideas for majors.
One of them was teaching, so she’s been working with elementary school-aged kids for the past year and a half. During the school year, she provides after-school care, helps with homework, and supervises the kids. For two summers in a row, she’s been a day camp counselor.
Spending all this time with the kids has helped her to realize that she enjoys it. It’s helped her narrow down her list of possible majors, and she’s pretty sure she’ll pursue teaching. If she’d hated it, that would be OK, too. I’d much rather she discover this wasn’t for her now than after four years of school.
She’s had time to explore other interests, too
Along with narrowing down her major, she’s saved money from working and hasn’t had to spend any yet on college expenses. She’s looking to buy a car, which she couldn’t have afforded if she’d gone straight to college.
She has also had quality time with lots of us in the family. She meets up with her younger brother during his lunch period on Fridays. She and I hike one morning a week. She stays up to hang out with her dad when the rest of us are fast asleep. She has one-on-one time with us that she wouldn’t get if she’d gone away to school.
She also took her first solo airplane trip to visit her grandparents last fall. Beyond simply navigating the airport and hopping on a plane, she got to deal with a flight delay and eventual cancellation on the way home. It wasn’t a fun experience but a valuable one that taught her to rely on herself and solve problems.
My daughter still doesn’t have any major plans for her future, but she’s now looking at community colleges where she can get her general education out of the way before transferring to a university.
The path she’s taken so far isn’t one that would have occurred to me. But I’m glad she recognized it was right for her. I’m excited to see what happens next.
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