In dating, many experts stress the importance of compatibility. Do you share the same interests, passions, values, and lifestyle as your partner? These are common questions that arise in early dating stages, when we’re still assessing how we might fit with another person.
However, have you ever considered whether you and your partner share the same dislikes? This dating trend, called “grim-keeping,” highlights the importance of mutual disinterests.
Let’s dive in.
Grim-Keeping Is the Ultimate Dating Trend for Haters
Grim-keeping involves forming a connection based on mutual dislikes. Instead of bonding over shared passions or interests, you bond over negatives, like your disgust for certain foods or disapproval of certain lifestyles.
For instance, let’s say you match with someone on Bumble and schedule a dinner date. When you arrive at the restaurant, the place is packed with people fresh from a SantaCon event (you know the one). While attempting to get to know each other amidst the belligerent, drunken Santas, you end up bonding over your mutual hatred for the bar crawl event and community.
Of course, this is just one silly, dramatized example of grim-keeping. Many people feel attracted to those who share similar disapprovals or dislikes, as it often indicates compatibility. Do you both despise winter? Great, then maybe you’ll both be willing to venture south when the weather cools. Or perhaps you both hate sports, meaning neither person will have to suffer through football Sundays.
“Finding common ground can take time because interests cover a huge spectrum—from classical music to badminton,” Mila Smith, a relationship and dating coach, told Huffpost. “Our list of dislikes is usually shorter and often centers on universal turnoffs like poor hygiene, bad manners, or talking over others. Bonding over the darker side of life creates an instant sense of unity and belonging—a shared sympathy that can feel surprisingly intimate.”
In my opinion, bonding over shared dislikes can be just as important as bonding over shared interests—so long as you’re not venturing into “hater” territory. If one person has an aversion to something that the other person adores, that obviously points to a major incompatibility. Hating the same things can be a love language in and of itself. And, of course, misery loves company.
The Dark Side of Grim-Keeping
While grim-keeping might seem like a harmless dating trend, it can turn sour if you don’t keep your attitude in check. Any relationship built on the foundation of hatred and judgment—especially toward other innocent people—is bound to crumble over time.
Think of it like this: if all you and your partner seem to do is harshly criticize your peers, that’s not a solid relationship. Rather, it’s a connection bred from mutual dissatisfaction. However, the core of your shared dislikes is usually shared values and lifestyles. Those are what often drive a healthy and sustainable relationship. Just make sure you’re not an overly negative, judgmental hater in the process. You can dislike something without shaming others.
Additionally, bonding over the more lighthearted topics, like hating a certain holiday or despising early mornings, can be a bonus toward your compatibility. Perhaps you celebrate Halloween on Christmas because you prefer a longer spooky season and hate the holiday cheer. And maybe you both sleep in on the weekends, unbothered by wasting half the day because neither of you is an early bird. These are small yet often meaningful opportunities for connection.
The post Gen Z Is Sharing Misery on Dates With ‘Grim-Keeping’ appeared first on VICE.
