In 1992, George H. W. Bush threw up on Japanese Prime Minister Kiichi Mayazawa. The “vomiting incident,” as Wikipedia calls it, came at the end of a swing through Asia that had clearly left the former president feeling a bit under the weather, culminating in him upchucking all over our closest regional ally during dinner. By that standard, Trump’s latest trip to Asia is a triumph. What, were you expecting anything more substantial?
Sure, there was the promise of a $10 billion Toyota investment in the United States seemingly agreed with Japan’s new female Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi, a protégé of Trump’s former golfing buddy Shinzo Abe. Unfortunately, Toyota has not yet announced any new plants. I’m sure that will happen any moment now. (Or not.) There was a signing ceremony for a ceasefire between Cambodia and Thailand after their five-day border conflict last July—and hey, at least this time Trump was working with two countries who’d actually locked horns. He also performed his famous double dick dance for a Malaysian marching band inexplicably performing the theme from Hawaii 5-0.
Personally, I was glad to shunt our Burger King over to the other side of the world for a few days of glad-handing and photo ops. Maybe he could squeeze in some medical tourism to follow up that totally-normal MRI test or pick up some K-Beauty skin lighteners to cover all those unsightly hand bruises. I mean, better there than here. One thing we don’t want our current president doing is actually presidenting. Not when the Commander-in-Chief in question is bragging about his ability to recognize a giraffe.
On the other hand, while Trump’s limited attention is focused on ballrooms and warning people on the horrific effects of Tylenol, the MAGA agenda continues apace. The government shutdown is about to halt food assistance. ICE is undergoing a major shake-up of its upper ranks due to a reported dissatisfaction among Trump’s goons about the number of actual deportations being carried out. And the military continues to murder people as a prelude to invading Venezuela for… what purpose, exactly? I’m just kidding—we all know it’s so we can steal their oil.
In normal times, one wouldn’t spend too much time thinking about a president’s overseas trips. Shoring up trade deals and making nice with our partners is a normal function of American governance the same way it’s normal to visit family on Thanksgiving; it’s just kind of embarrassing when one of your family members is a senile racist who steals the silverware.
Trump’s next stop is China, for a high-stakes meeting with President Xi Jinping. It follows that lil’ meltdown our petulant POTUS had the other day, promising to institute a 100% tariff on top of whatever other tariffs are already in place after China put further controls on its rare earth exports. That was then. Now, though? It’s time to lower the temperature. Treasury Secretary and totally normal soybean farmer Scott Bessent told NBC News that “President Trump gave me a great deal of negotiating leverage… and I believe we’ve reached a very substantial framework.”
Frameworks are great if you’re into conceptual structures, but they’re less useful than actual, you know, deals. The kinds of things that grease the gears of international trade as opposed to, say, arbitrary roadblocks thrown up because, for example, our president got mad at a TV commercial.
Trump returns to the States in a few days, hopefully without having thrown up on anybody. He has, however, attempted to impersonate the Indian accent—that sort of thing always goes down well. If he manages to not cause any further international ruckuses, I will consider the trip a success. These days I’m grading the man on a curve far removed from the cut of his cankles. A very steep curve. More of a vertical line.
Like all Americans, I will breathe a little easier once our president is back on home soil. Better to have him here where Stephen Miller can hold his pen and Lindsey Graham can hold whatever it is Graham holds when he’s with the president. Hopefully we can keep him occupied on picking out carpet swatches for the ballroom or making space on the wall for the Nobel Peace Prize which is surely heading his way any day now. In fact, Prime Minister Taikaichi has already promised her new American friend to nominate him for the prize. He may not win, but hopefully he’ll be satisfied with a framework of the prize.
The post Opinion: Just Be Glad Trump, 79, Hasn’t F****d Up Too Too Badly on His Stumble-Filled Trip to Asia appeared first on The Daily Beast.
