When Jews talk about a person who has died, they commonly use the phrase: “May his [her/their] memory be a blessing.”
Compared to or , places little focus on an . Therefore, mourning rituals focus more on eternal memory among the living.
Quick, simple burial
Burying the deceased with dignity is a mitzvah, or commandment, in Judaism. In traditional communities, all remains of a person must be buried for full religious rites to take place, and if a body cannot be or buried, that can be a source of distress for the family.
According to Jewish law, known as Halacha, bodies must be buried as quickly as possible after death, although not on the Sabbath (Shabbat) or on major holidays.
First, the body is given a ritual bath, known as Taharah.
Judaism does not allow for embalming or other practices that prevent decomposition, and bodies are either placed in a simple wooden casket with no metal parts, or only a shroud (shroud burials are particularly common in Israel). No clothing or worldly belongings are allowed in the grave.
Unlike many other cultures, no public viewing is held, since it’s seen as undignified.
Jewish funerals are generally led by a rabbi. The rites emphasize simplicity and humility.
Generally, close family members of the dead will rip a piece of their clothing, usually a shirt or jacket (or, more recently, a ribbon they are wearing) in a ritual called K’riah that takes place before the burial or upon learning of the deceased’s passing. The act is an expression of raw pain and of submission to God. Tradition dictates that parents of the dead rip their garment on the left side, over their heart. Others tear the clothing on the right side.
Mourners help bury the body by placing a symbolic amount of soil into the grave.
Jewish law does not traditionally allow cremation, although in the Reform Judaism movement, mostly popular in the United States, it is now seen as acceptable.
Sitting shiva – no showers, covered mirrors
After the burial, close family of the deceased often continue mourning at home, traditionally for a seven-day period known as shiva.
Those who observe shiva strictly refrain from working or performing any kind of grooming activity, including showering. They sit on the floor or on low stools. In some communities, they cover all mirrors in the home. Entertainment such as music is avoided, and sexual relations are not allowed.
During shiva, friends and extended family pay visits to offer emotional support to the mourners and to share stories about the deceased.
Continued mourning
One of Judaism’s central prayers is the Mourner’s Kaddish, an ancient prayer in Aramaic — unlike most prayers, which are in Hebrew. It is recited at funerals, but also at regular religious services by people in mourning.
Kaddish focuses on faith in God and makes no mention of death or the dead.
It is recited only in the presence of a minyan, a quorum of at least 10 Jewish adults. In most traditional communities, it has to be 10 men, although gender rules vary and are more flexible in progressive communities, particularly in the US.
The communal nature of the prayer is meant to exalt God’s name in public and honor the deceased person’s memory as a continued part of the community. It also provides communal support for people in mourning.
Mourners say Kaddish as often as possible after the burial for a period determined by their relationship to the dead. For someone mourning a parent, it is 11 months. For others, it is shorter. The prayer is also recited on the anniversary of death according to the Hebrew calendar, known as the Yahrzeit or Azkarah.
Gravestones
In most Jewish communities gravestones are not added to the grave — or are not inscribed — until a month to a year after the burial, depending on their tradition.
When visiting a Jewish grave, it is customary to leave a pebble on the gravestone rather than a flower, as a sign of the visit and a symbol of the permanence of memory.
Edited by: Felix Tamsut, Elizabeth Grenier
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