Life is a random, chaotic assortment of events. Sometimes, by sheer coincidence, some of those events repeat in rapid succession. When this happens, it reveals a pattern that some people try to find meaning within.
There likely is no meaning. It’s a brief blip of randomly generated cohesion among the static.
But sometimes you do have to wonder just what the fates of the universe are trying to tell us when three separate men in different parts of the country were arrested for committing small-time robberies after their distinctive exposed underwear identified them.
The most recent example, as reported by Missouri’s Fox2Now, involves a guy named Lasane Whitley. Whitley is facing multiple charges after robbing a Dave’s Hot Chicken location in Chesterfield, Missouri.
He broke into the location’s office at around midnight. After a tussle with the manager, he made it out of there with a bag of cash. The whole thing was caught on surveillance cameras, but since Whitley was wearing a ski mask, the police couldn’t immediately identify him.
However, he was wearing a pair of True Religion underwear, which was on full display in front of the camera. This somehow led the authorities directly to him. Hmm.
Dumb Thieves Keep Getting ID’d By Their Underwear
It’s an odd and funny crime story for sure. It’s entertaining on its own, but then it ascends into the realm of peculiar when you realize that a completely different thief in a completely different state was caught the same way in December 2024 and was sentenced for said crime just two weeks ago.
53-year-old Manuel Armenta Serrano was sentenced to 8 to 10 years in prison this past Monday after he tried to knock over a liquor store to make off with trash bags filled with cigarette cartons. Unlike Whitley, Serrano had two layers of facial obfuscation: he was wearing a balaclava mask and a hoodie over it.
As Oil City News reports, Serrano wound up in the hospital after the robbery, “admitted after fleeing on foot from the disabled getaway vehicle and the ‘successful K9 deployment and apprehension’ on the golf course off King Boulevard.”
The cops checked the security footage and saw that the thief was sporting some distinctive red, white, and blue checkered boxers—the very same patriotically-colored boxers found in Serrano’s hospital room.
Two instances of thieves getting ID’d by their exposed underwear are definitely a coincidence. Surely, whoever is pulling the strings of the universe would not conjure up a third, lest some of us start to suspect that the universe is trying to tell us something, or maybe the universe is just malfunctioning.
On September 14, 2023, Fathy Hussein wore a mask as he robbed a smoke shop in Brooklyn, a mask that ultimately didn’t help because Hussein’s exposed and extremely distinctive underwear sold him out.
Security footage shows his exposed underwear had a red and blue pattern across it, along with what appears to be a large white letter “R” and then a stylized yellow “1990” across the butt and crotch. It’s underwear so distinctive that it would not be surprising to learn if he were the only human on Earth with this pair of undies.
The 32-year-old Hussein was sentenced in Brooklyn federal court in August.
I don’t know what to make of this. The forces of the universe are enigmatic. Its/His/Their motivations are unknowable. If you’re inclined to find meaning in patterns, you’re going to have a ball with this one.
I don’t think it holds any particular meaning. I think it’s just the randomness of life combined with some mimetic silliness. That’s not to say that there’s no meaning to be gleaned from all of this.
If there’s one lesson here that I’m going to take to heart, it’s that you should wear a belt if you’re going to rob a store.
The post 3 U.S. Thieves Busted After Cops Spotted Their Underwear appeared first on VICE.
