Courtesy of Nicole Schildt
- I have six kids, so I’m rarely alone, but I often feel very lonely.
- The demands of motherhood leave little time for the deeper connections I crave.
- I struggle to find the space for friendships, they often fall to the bottom of my to-do list.
As a mom of six, I’m rarely alone. My days are filled with noise — lots of noise. There is schoolwork spread across the kitchen table, laundry piled in corners, and schedules that somehow overlap and collide all at once, and all of that comes with a lot of chatter.
On paper, it seems like I should never feel lonely. I’m surrounded by people all day long. Yet the truth is, making real friendships feels harder than ever now that I’m a mom.
Moms are often together, but not connected
Motherhood comes with its own strange paradox: we are constantly in motion, constantly with others, and yet profoundly isolated. At least, that’s how it feels to me.
I spend time with other moms, at practices and on the sidelines of games, but those conversations are often shallow and rushed. “How’s your week going?” “Did you see the weather for the tournament this weekend?” “Whose glove is this?” We’re together, but not connecting.
I’m often too distracted to connect
I’d like to have the time and wherewithal to have deeper connections with the women I cross paths with, but at times that seems impossible. For one, there are the younger siblings who tag along everywhere and also need my attention. I’ve paced countless laps with a stroller around baseball fields, hoping to lull a baby to sleep. I’m clapping for one kid’s at-bat while balancing a sippy cup in the other hand. It’s hard for me to notice the other things, and the other people, orbiting around the chaos.
I know I’m not alone
It’s not just me, I know other moms must feel the same way. In my own friend circle, we joke about how impossible it is to coordinate schedules and how it takes months to line up a simple coffee date. There are memes about needing to send out calendar surveys just to grab dinner with a friend or two.
The humor lands because it’s true. We want connection, but between childcare, work, and managing households, friendship often ends up on the bottom of the list.
I wish I had a fix
The irony is that I feel like I need friendship now more than ever. I’m carrying heavy loads — physically, emotionally, financially — and yet I often feel like I’m doing it alone.
Social media offers the illusion of connection, but scrolling through someone else’s highlight reel doesn’t replace the comfort of sitting across from a friend who really gets you.
I know this isn’t just a personal problem, it’s cultural. Modern motherhood is busier and more fragmented than ever before. We no longer live in neighborhoods where kids roam freely together while parents linger on porches. Instead, we drive across town for activities, juggle overlapping calendars, and piece together connections in the cracks of our days. The result is a generation of moms who are stretched thin and starved for community.
I don’t have a neat solution. I wish I did. What I do know is this: The loneliness is real, and it’s not just me. The moms I talk to crave connection, but struggle to find the time and space for it. Maybe the first step is naming it, admitting that in the busyness of raising families, we’re missing something essential for ourselves. If motherhood has taught me anything, it’s that we were never meant to do this alone. And maybe the friendships we’re all longing for aren’t out of reach, maybe they’re sitting right beside us on the bleachers, probably holding a coffee and a snack bag, just as desperate for connection as we are.
So next time, I’m going to look up, smile first, and start the conversation — even if one of my kids is tugging at my sleeve.
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