Several years ago, while on vacation in Colorado, we decided to visit a national park to take in the area’s natural sights.
My daughter loved being helped to climb up a small rocky outcrop for a better view of the miles of pine tree-covered mountains. She still talks about the time that she “climbed a mountain.”
However, what I remember most about the experience is what happened after we went further into the park.
Things went sideways soon after we arrived
We had picked up a Junior Ranger activity bag and headed to the nearby creek to explore. It was a quintessential Midwestern creek that you could imagine panning for gold in. Even though it was the height of summer, the water was freezing after coming down from the mountains, and we used the thermometer in the bag to find out how cold it actually was.
But then my daughter tripped and fell, hurting her knee. She began to cry. And my daughter, who doesn’t do anything halfway, cries with feeling. It was loud.
I was feeling a bit embarrassed about the volume of her crying, while also trying to comfort her. My husband ran back to the car to get Band-Aids, and I moved my daughter to a spot closer to the parking lot.
We were then confronted by a judgmental boomer
An older man walked up to us. Naively, I thought he was trying to help with a tissue, a Band-Aid, or some kind words. Instead, he stopped in front of my daughter, stared menacingly down at her, and said angrily, “Stop crying!” I was shocked and replied, “She fell down and hurt her knee.” He once again looked at my daughter, “You are in a beautiful place. You have nothing to cry about!”
I didn’t feel embarrassed anymore; I felt pissed. How dare this stranger judge her when she was obviously upset and in pain? At that point, my mama bear came out. I told him he wasn’t helping and to please leave us alone. And he just stood there. I once again firmly told him to walk away. When my completely oblivious husband arrived, the man had already left.
I still struggle with feeling judged for my parenting
When confronted so directly and aggressively by someone’s judgment, I found it easy to stand up for my daughter. The silent judgment, gape-mouthed looks, or whispers are harder. When I feel like someone is saying something disparaging about me or my child, or just thinking it, it can be easy to internalize that judgment.
But it doesn’t really matter what others think of my parenting or how my child is behaving. Because anyone who is not part of our family doesn’t have insight into my child or how she interacts with the world. That, for example, the way her brain processes things makes her more sensitive to pain, or that she has anxiety about injuries. And they don’t need to, because it’s none of their business.
That’s why, in those moments, I try to focus on what my daughter needs rather than what everyone else thinks. And it’s why I mind my own business when other children are having a hard time, unless I can offer that Band-Aid or a word of encouragement for the parent.
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