Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Help Not Wanted
President Trump, who has already sent National Guard troops to Los Angeles and Washington this year, is now trying to deploy them in Chicago and Portland, Ore., despite resistance from local and state officials who say he’s trying to invent a crisis.
Jimmy Kimmel, delivering his Wednesday monologue from what he called “the no longer embattled city of Los Angeles,” said Trump had “saved us from ourselves by calling in the National Guard to stop a conflict that never started — but could have, had he not acted to prevent an entirely fabricated crisis from spinning out of his imagination and onto our streets.”
“Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you for sending troops to occupy all of these Democrat-run cities, whether we want them or not — and we do not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He’s sending the Texas National Guard into Chicago, all dressed in camouflage, by the way. I want to say, I know you’re from Texas, guys — camouflage will not help you blend in in Chicago. You would be better off dressed as kielbasa in Chicago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Illinois state and local officials strongly oppose troops being sent into the Windy City. President Trump responded to that by calling for the governor and mayor to be jailed. That’s a normal thing for presidents to do, right?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“President Trump told reporters on Sunday that Portland, Ore., is ‘burning to the ground.’ According to sources, people are even dying of dysentery.” — SETH MEYERS
“Trump is reported to be ‘seriously considering’ invoking the Insurrection Act, which is a law from 1807 that would allow him to use the military to enforce his rules. This guy can’t keep his insurrection in his pants anymore.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Shutdown Shenanigans Edition)
“This is day eight now of the shutdown, which is causing headaches for millions of Americans, and we can’t even take Tylenol for it anymore.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“It’s day eight of the government shutdown. It’s getting scary. They’re already considering getting a backup generator for Mitch McConnell.” — GREG GUTFELD
“If you want to know how long eight days is, just think: Eight days ago, we had no idea what kind of tree Travis Kelce was like.” — JIMMY FALLON
“They say the shutdown could cost the economy approximately $15 billion a week. To put that in perspective, that’s $15 billion more than Kilmeade’s book sales.” — GREG GUTFELD, referring to his Fox News colleague Brian Kilmeade
“One of the concerns that Democrats had about getting into this was that Trump might take the opportunity to fire a whole bunch of federal workers. He promised to do that, but according to at least one White House official, they haven’t acted on it because ‘we do not want to appear gleeful about people losing their jobs.’ Unless, of course, those people work at a late-night talk show — in which case, it’s entirely different.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Taylor Swift presented Seth Meyers with an edible gift during her “Late Night” ‘Tay/kover’ on Wednesday.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
The Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Lucy Dacus will perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
Twenty-five years after its October premiere, “Gilmore Girls” has become a fall tradition.
The post Kimmel’s Tip for Troops: Camouflage Is Pointless in Chicago appeared first on New York Times.
