Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
At This Rate
After a “hell of a couple of weeks,” Jimmy Kimmel shared some exciting news on Monday:
“According to a new poll from YouGov, which is a serious polling site, or they were before this, I am more popular than the president of the United States,” Kimmel said.
“You remember the guy who keeps saying I have no ratings? Well, that makes two of us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I’m at plus three, he’s at minus 13, which is nice, but it feels like — considering the fact that I’m not a convicted felon friend of Jeffrey Epstein and I’ve never paid off a porn star, sent a team of masked goons into a park to pull an old lady away from her grandchildren — I feel like my rating should be higher, maybe?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“At this point, finding a toenail in your salad has a seven-point lead over Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know I don’t like to upset him, but I think he might be upset because the White House put out a statement this afternoon. This is a real statement: ‘Over 77 million Americans showed up on Election Day to cast their ballots for President Donald J. Trump, who is delivering on his overwhelming mandate to put America first. Jimmy Kimmel prays every night to garner a fraction of that support to keep his show on air after ratings dropped 64 percent last week. Sad!’ I like ‘sad’ with an exclamation point. It would make a great shirt with Trump’s face on it, wouldn’t it?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know what else is sad? That the president of the United States has a lower approval rating than Diddy and diarrhea. That’s what’s sad.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“If he’s looking to improve his approval numbers, I have an idea: Release the Epstein files.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (In the Meantime Edition)
“It’s day six of the government shutdown, which means they’re no longer paying the nice young man who cuts Joe Biden’s food.” — TYRUS, guest host of “Gutfeld!”
“Yes, today is day six of the government shutdown. As you know, it lasts for eight days. I may be confusing that with Hanukkah.” — JON STEWART
“I feel like we do this every [expletive] year, this story. Government shutdown, government shutdown. And Trump is devastated about it. You know how much he loves the government. He said, ‘Next you’re going to tell me Wendy’s is all out of salad.’” — BILL MAHER
“Government’s closed! I’m going to have to play more golf.” — BILL MAHER, imitating Trump
The Bits Worth Watching
Taylor Swift discussed her engagement to Travis Kelce and her new album on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Patricia Arquette, star of “Murdaugh: Death in the Family,” will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
The children’s show “Reading Rainbow” is back with a new host, Mychal Threets, who’s trying to recapture the magic of the original for a streaming audience.
The post Jimmy Kimmel Says His Numbers Are Better Than Trump’s appeared first on New York Times.
