In the past, Kelly Shara, 31, often found herself doing fertility math when she was on a date.
“OK, if we date for a year, then I’ll be this age when we get married,” explained Ms. Shara, who lives in Austin and works in tech sales. “Then we have a year, and then we could start having kids. And then that means I’ll be this age when I become a mom.”
She absorbed the message for years — “from rom-coms and so much societal pressure” — that she should be married and having babies by age 30, she said.
For the most part, Ms. Shara now finds that expectation silly. She has great friends and a fulfilling career and is unwilling to settle for a partner who isn’t a true teammate.
If it weren’t for her pesky biological clock.
“I would still love to have kids on the soon-ish side,” Ms. Shara said. “But there is an opportunity cost toward rushing dating and marriage and courtship and trying to find the right person.”
The stubborn notion that women’s fertility falls off a cliff at 35 has slowly shifted in recent years, thanks to changing cultural norms and leaps in assisted reproductive technology. Despite growing alarm among conservatives over the United States’ historically low birthrate, women over 35 are actually giving birth in relatively large numbers. The birthrate among women 40 to 44 has even risen over the past four decades.
“With many celebrities becoming first-time parents later in life, it often gives the public the perception that fertility is something you can delay,” said Dr. Natalie Crawford, a fertility doctor in Austin and the author of “The Fertility Formula.”
Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.
Thank you for your patience while we verify access.
Already a subscriber? Log in.
Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
The post The Pressure of Dating With a Fertility Deadline appeared first on New York Times.
