Courtesy of Rochelle Nataloni
- I consider myself the “cool aunt” because I’m close to my niece and nephews.
- They often turn to me for advice, and in turn, they teach me how to stay relevant.
- They also help me stay connected and feel less isolated.
I never set out to be the “cool aunt.” But somewhere between allowing my niece to rely on me as a confidant, offering career advice to my oldest nephew, and inviting his younger brother to come along on vacations with my husband and daughter, I found myself stepping naturally into the role.
Being a cool aunt isn’t something you can plan for. It’s a designation that emerges over time, built on trust, humor, and the willingness to show up. It’s not parenting, and it’s not friendship. It’s something in between.
And for me, it’s one of the most rewarding relationships in my life.
I like to think of myself as the sweet spot
My niece and nephews call me to discuss job promotions and breakups. They text me save-the-date wedding announcements before they ‘go live,’ and share engagement ring pics within moments of saying, “yes!”
They know I’ll respond with just the right emojis, words, and shrieks of excitement.
They don’t need another parent, and I’m not trying to be one to them. Instead, I’m in that sweet spot: old enough to provide perspective, but young enough to remember how fun, cumbersome, rewarding, and frightening it is to navigate the major milestones of adulthood.
I don’t interrogate or set expectations; I just meet people where they are. That kind of acceptance creates trust, which makes me the one they can confide in when they want to celebrate or when life gets messy.
I stay current thanks to them
I’m a middle-aged person who was a Chappell Roan fan long before “Pink Pony Club” became a cultural earworm. I’m also anxiously awaiting the return of “Euphoria.”
My niece and nephews are my pipeline into what’s current, whether it’s slang, sneakers, or social movements. Our conversations clue me into what’s trending on TikTok without ever having to scroll, and my Spotify playlists are stacked with music I never would have found on my own.
Because of them, I know to avoid punctuation when texting, and understand that they’ll definitely see my Instagram story, but probably not my Facebook post.
It’s an education I couldn’t get anywhere else, and it makes me feel more connected to them and to the larger culture.
One of the unexpected gifts of this rewarding relationship is that it helps me relate to my daughter. Watching how my niece and nephews interact with me gives me insight into what works and what doesn’t. When I listen without judgment, they open up. When I share my own missteps, they lean in. Translating those lessons into my relationship with my daughter, who is their peer, has strengthened our connection.
This type of relationship is a great antidote to loneliness
The role of the “cool aunt” might seem like a charming family subplot, but it has bigger advantages. We’re living in what’s been labeled by some researchers as a “loneliness epidemic.” As I get older, I sometimes feel the effects of social isolation.
For me, being a “cool aunt” offers a surprisingly powerful antidote.
While I know I’m giving my niece and nephews a safe space and perspective, they’re giving me something equally valuable: a way to stay relevant, engaged, and connected.
At a stage in life where many people worry about becoming isolated, my niece and nephews embrace and include me. They ensure that I don’t miss out on the music, the memes, and the movements that are shaping their world.
And in turn, I make sure they know they’re never navigating that world alone.
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