Oftentimes, when we start therapy for mental health struggles, we trust the professional we’re seeking help from. In fact, throughout my lifelong struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), I’ve placed each of my therapists on a pedestal and believed they knew best—that they could do no wrong, that I should never question them.
However, therapists are human, too, and finding the right one for you is often like finding the perfect partner. You gotta “date” around a bit, and unfortunately, you might outgrow some of them.
Of course, I’m not a professional, so take my input with a grain of salt here. But from someone who’s had to do it herself, here are five signs you should “dump” your current therapist.
1. They Invalidate Your Feelings
Any therapist who makes you feel dramatic or ashamed for feeling a certain way has to go. Therapy should be the one place where you can bring your “irrational” thoughts and feelings to the surface without receiving judgment. Of course, this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t challenge you, but there’s a difference between invalidating your experience and challenging your perspective.
If your therapist puts you down instead of offering healthy coping mechanisms or working toward the root of your feelings—no matter how irrational they might objectively be—you’ll likely only experience more shame. This can actually hinder your progress and act as a barrier against your healing.
As someone with OCD, I know many of my feelings and thoughts are illogical and don’t make any sense. Have you ever heard of magical thinking? It’s a common symptom of the disorder, and I can acknowledge it’s unreasonable, but that doesn’t stop my brain from coming up with distressing thoughts and fears, no matter how silly they might seem.
2. You’re Not Making Progress
If you’re still not seeing progress after months of hard work in therapy, you might want to reconsider your therapist. Of course, this doesn’t always point to an issue with the professional and could mean you’re simply ignoring their advice or need extra support through things like medication. However, if you feel worse after each session and are clueless about how to actually help yourself, you might not be with the best-suited therapist for your case.
3. They Judge Your Behaviors
Most of us are in therapy to get better, feel better, and be better. That being said, we are only human. Progress isn’t made overnight, and we will likely fall back into our unhealthy patterns at times.
If your therapist is constantly judging and/or shaming you when this happens, consider finding a more empathetic professional who can explore why you’re giving into these vulnerabilities and how you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
Let me be clear: Your therapist should hold you accountable. However, this can happen without harsh judgment. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t feel emotionally safe opening up to someone who constantly judges me.
4. They Lack Experience in Your Area of Need
Many mental health conditions are complex and require professionals with tailored experience.
For example, as someone who suffers from OCD, one of the most misunderstood disorders out there, I need to work with a therapist who specializes in the condition. I require a certain form of treatment and can actually get worse if I’m in regular talk therapy with a thearpist who constantly reassures me or feeds into my thought loops.
Not to mention, as a child with the disorder, I was almost misdiagnosed with schizophrenia because I couldn’t fully explain my intrusive thoughts at that age. It wasn’t until I saw a therapist who specialized in OCD that I received the proper diagnosis and treatment.
This is, of course, an extreme example from a time when mental health care was seriously lacking. Still, the sentiment remains. If your therapist doesn’t specialize in or have experience with your particular struggles, you might want to look elsewhere.
Additionally, I’ve learned that trauma complicates many existing disorders and can even trigger underlying ones. If a condition is trauma-based, you might need to seek trauma treatment with the correct provider instead of trying to solve your symptoms with more surface-level approaches.
5. They Share Too Much About Themselves
Now, I personally enjoy when my therapist shares some relevant personal experiences with me, as it often humanizes our interactions/relationship. However, if you notice your therapist takes up much of your session venting about their own problems, that’s a major red flag.
Remember: you are paying for their time and expertise. You deserve the space to explore your own struggles. Your therapy sessions are the one time you can make an interaction entirely about yourself and your healing.
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