A few years back, author Codie Sanchez coined the TEAM method—a daily practice that’s supposed to benefit couples.
“Every night my husband and I do this one thing, it’s called the TEAM method…” she wrote on X at the time. “It may completely change your relationship; it did for ours.”
She went on to explain that she and her husband are incredibly busy people, usually energetically depleted by the end of each evening. So, to try to reconnect despite all the chaos of their personal lives, they decided to try one daily action: a 10-minute nightly check-in.
I’ve read a ton of articles on the TEAM method in recent months, with many people claiming they’ve found great success following the four rules each night.
Wondering how it works? Here’s how to implement the TEAM method to strengthen your relationship.
Touch
While it might seem obvious, physical intimacy (not just sex) is a great way to reconnect with your partner. The T in TEAM method is all about touch.
“Hold hands, sit next to each other on the couch. Remind yourselves with touch you’re in this together,” Sanchez wrote on X.
And if you’re not exactly feeling up for it, there are always loopholes.
“When Chris and I are mad at each other, we jokingly barely touch one fingertip like ET,” she joked.
Education
When we get into long-term relationships, we often reach a point where conversations become mundane—especially when you’re exhausted by the end of the day. However, setting up a small ritual for emotional and intellectual connection can help clear that energy.
“You each share one thing you learned that day that was interesting,” Sanchez said. “A fact. A hard truth. Whatever. It’s a chance for novelty and endorphins when we expand our brains.”
Appreciation
Expressing gratitude for your partner is a great way to stay connected. These tokens of gratitude remind us how precious the relationship truly is, grounding you in the moment instead of losing yourselves in the day-to-day busyness.
“You each share one thing you appreciate about the other. Could be how beautiful your partner looks that day. If you’re ticked, it could be that they took out the trash,” Sanchez wrote. “Only rules are: points for creativity, and you can’t keep using the same one.”
Metrics
I don’t know about you, but when something is eating at me in my relationship, I like to bring it up almost immediately. However, I’ve been working on processing my feelings before presenting them to my partner, as not everything needs to be shared. Sometimes, I’m just in a crap mood, or my brain is more sensitive during certain times of the month.
The metrics portion of the TEAM method is excellent for these moments.
“Here’s the tough part,” Sanchez started. “Usually, when you’re upset, you tell them that moment. That gets naggy 321 times a day. With the check-in, you wait, or write it down, and bring it [at] this time.
“You don’t fight when elevated, but you always get to explain your point,” she continued, adding that this part of the exercise was particularly beneficial to her relationship.
“Metrics was huge for us,” she explained. “It meant [I] (a hot-blooded Latina) wouldn’t get emotional. It meant Chris (a military hardo) wouldn’t get dictatorial. We let cooler heads prevail, and now we kind of treasure our check-in.”
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