I have two sons from my first marriage and a third son from a later relationship. The boys are very close. I love them equally, and I want to create an estate plan that’s fair to all of them. My current will divides my estate into three equal shares for each of the boys. But the mother of my two older sons is financially comfortable, and they stand to receive a decent inheritance from her. My youngest son’s mother is not well off, and he will probably receive little from her estate. Should I revise my will to increase the amount that I leave my youngest son to balance out what the older boys receive — in total — from their mother and me? I want all of them to be comfortable when I’m gone, but I worry that my older sons will be hurt if I leave more to my youngest son.
DAD
I sympathize with your desire to treat your sons equitably. But here’s the thing: For better or worse — and probably for better — you are not creating an estate plan with your ex-wife. And while you believe that she is “financially comfortable” now, that may change depending on her health and other circumstances as she ages. (The same can be said of you.) I suggest focusing on what you actually control here: namely, your own finances.
I would divide your estate equally among your three sons. Now, if your first wife were a billionaire, say, or if your sons’ means were wildly different from one another’s, that might be a reason to consider a different allocation of bequests. And, notwithstanding my advice, that is still your call entirely!
But no matter how you decide to proceed, take the time to explain to your sons how your estate will work. It’s important that they understand your reasoning and have a chance to ask questions. To children — even adult children — gifts from parents are often received as symbols of love. And that’s why transparency is important here: to ensure that even if your bequests to your sons vary in amount, none of the children misinterpret your gifts as statements of greater or lesser love.
What’s in a Twang?
When I meet people with foreign accents, I occasionally ask them: “Where are you from?” I do this purely out of curiosity, but I suppose it could also be taken as an insult. What’s the social convention here?
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