My husband and I moved into an apartment complex recently. We befriended some of our new neighbors while sitting around the swimming pool. We have discussed politics with some of them, having been given hints that we are all on the same page. But one couple — whom we like a lot — has provided no information about their politics. We have no idea where they stand! The state of the country is very important to us, and we are willing to socialize only with people who support our beliefs. Should we continue to see this couple whose politics are a mystery, or should we tell them where we stand and see how they react?
NEW NEIGHBOR
You are free, of course, to socialize with whomever you like. But I am not a fan of administering rigid political purity tests to everyone I meet. One of the advantages of maintaining a diverse group of friends — including gender, race, sexuality, socioeconomic status and, yes, even politics — is that it helps us understand how different people come to their differing beliefs. For me, this is enriching.
Now, I am not suggesting that you befriend anyone whose positions are hateful to you. Nor do I believe that securing agreement on a checklist of hot-button issues is a requirement for sitting next to someone on a chaise longue. The stakes are low here: These people will be occasional dinner companions — not, say, the proposed guardians for your minor children.
You are entitled to be free from aggravation during your leisure time. But this couple hasn’t said or done anything to annoy you. And I admire their ability to be circumspect with new acquaintances. (Personally, I know a bit too much about the political opinions of people who are relatively unimportant to me.) If you find this couple congenial, continue seeing them until you feel differently. That seems more generous to me than quizzing them for the sole purpose of rejecting them if they fail.
Not Her Finest Moment. But Not an Easy One, Either.
A close friend with whom I thought I had a candid relationship is having issues with short-term memory loss. When I experienced hearing loss, for instance, she commented on it — and I appreciated that. But when I shared my concern about her memory, she was sarcastic and dismissive: “Thank you so very much for bringing my short-term memory issues to my attention.” She dismissed her husband’s concern, too. What can we do?
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The post My Husband and I Have No Idea About the Politics of Two New Friends. Help! appeared first on New York Times.
