My husband and I had different viewpoints on spending. Over the past 18 years we’ve learned how to meet in the middle.

• I never thought money would be a topic of debate when I married my husband 18 years ago.
• I soon realized we had different spending habits. I liked to splurge a little and he was a saver.
• Over the years, we’ve found a way to meet in the middle.

When I got married, I didn’t think money would be a topic of constant debate, something we would fight about.

My husband and I both came from a similar socio-economic background, so I assumed we’d see things the same way when it came to spending. But as soon as we started managing a household together, I realized our habits were very, very different.

I’ve always been the type who believes in spending on things that bring happiness — frequent treats for the kids, a dinner out when I’m too tired to cook, additional midnight meals on weekends, or even something to treat myself with after a long week. To me, these weren’t unnecessary expenses, they were ways of making life lighter and more joyful.

My husband, on the other hand, is the cautious type. He thinks through every purchase, weighs whether it’s truly worth it, and feels more comfortable saving than spending. For him, money equals security.

Naturally, this difference led to tension early in our marriage. The same question came up again and again from him: “Do we really need this?”

Parenthood raised the stakes

Things got trickier once we had children. Three growing kids meant bigger grocery bills, higher school costs, and a never-ending list of needs.

Managing money wasn’t just about us anymore — our kids were quietly observing everything. They saw how we debated, how we compromised, and how we chose what to spend on and what to let go.

I didn’t want my children to think I was always the one saying yes while their dad was always the one saying no — or worse, that his “no” somehow meant he loved them less. I wanted them to see that love can look like both giving and protecting.

We started to see each other’s side

Recognizing our roles in the family helped us both understand how we viewed spending. My husband is the main breadwinner, while I contribute, but don’t usually handle the major household expenses. On top of that, he has responsibilities to help care for his parents, which means he can’t simply go all out on luxuries — whether it’s a birthday gift or a fancy hotel stay on vacation.

Understanding this helped me see his perspective more clearly. He wasn’t just being difficult, he was carrying responsibilities that made him more protective of the money we have.

At the same time, he came to understand that treats and special moments that I prioritized weren’t wasteful, they were small investments in our family’s happiness.

We found a middle ground

Over time, we both moved from our original positions. I became more mindful about what I was spending on, and he loosened up enough to see the value in joy.

Vacations are a good example of how we’ve both evolved. I loved the idea of staying in nicer hotels and creating memorable experiences, while he leaned toward spending less on additional luxuries. Our last mountain trip captured this balance well: we visited four places, choosing one luxury resort as the spot where we stayed the longest, and opting for simpler, decent hotels at the others.

Eventually, that became our pattern — sometimes scaling back, sometimes saying yes to the splurge, but remembering that making memories is just as important as contributing to your savings.

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