Have you ever wondered about the ideal timeline for moving on after a breakup? Society often creates rules for the “right” and “wrong” ways to navigate our most gut-wrenching moments. If you move on too soon, you’re labeled as a love-crazy, dependent individual who never really cared about your ex in the first place. If you wait too long, however, you’re an avoidant wallower who just can’t seem to let go of your past…
Is there a sweet spot for moving on? Maybe, to some people. But what really matters is what works for you specifically. People will always find something wrong in your actions, no matter how good they might be. It’s part of life. We’re all different, with various life experiences that have carefully crafted our individual perspectives. Many times, judgments are just projections of our own insecurities, doubts, or pain.
That being said, while there might not be a right or wrong time to move on, there is a healthy timeframe to keep in mind. Prioritizing healing before jumping into something new can keep you from attracting toxic partners or ending up in an unhealthy dynamic.
Relationship specialists at Monsta Toys revealed the healthy timeline for moving on from your ex.
Healing Timelines for Different Relationship Lengths
Your healing timeline can depend on a variety of factors, from the length of your relationship to how connected you were toward the end of it. For example, if you’ve been checked out for months, you might have already begun your healing process while still in the relationship.
However, experts from Monsta Toys recommended the following scenarios and associated timeframes:
Short-Term Dating (A Few Months)
If you only dated your ex for a few months, the relationship specialists advised allowing yourself about 1-3 months to fully let go.
“These relationships, while meaningful, typically involve less intertwined lives and fewer shared experiences to untangle,” they said.
Long-Term Dating or Serious Relationships
If you were in a longer-term relationship—one spanning several months or a year or two—or one that was serious in nature (you spoke about long-term commitments, perhaps lived together, etc.), the dating experts recommend waiting about 3-6 months for emotional intensity to reduce.
“These connections often involve deeper intimacy, shared friend groups, and future plans that require more time to process,” they said.
Marriage or Multi-Year Relationships
Marriages and years-long relationships naturally require longer periods of time to heal from.
“Often 6-12 months to grieve properly, process, and rebuild,” the relationship specialists said. “These partnerships fundamentally reshape identity and daily life, making recovery a more complex journey.”
4 Signs You’re Not Moving on From Your Ex Fast Enough After a Breakup
As stated earlier, your healing process should occur entirely on your own terms. If you feel ready to get back out there after a long-term relationship, go for it! If you’d rather bask in your solitude for months (or years) on end, I support it!
However, if you’re finding that you’re either overwhelmed by new connections or trapped in isolation, you might want to reflect on where your heart is at the moment. Here are four warning signs that your grief is still running the show.
1. You Can’t Stop Ruminating About Your Ex
After a breakup, it’s completely normal to ruminate about your past relationship, wondering what went wrong and how you could have handled it differently. However, if you’re still stuck in that obsessive loop, it’s probably too soon to start dating someone new.
“If thoughts about your ex consume more than 30% of your waking hours months after the breakup, you’ve likely crossed into unhealthy territory,” Monsta Toys’ relationship specialists said. “Normal grief involves waves of sadness; obsessive grief creates a constant mental loop that prevents engagement with present reality.”
2. You’re Still Stalking Your Ex on Social Media
We all do it, and usually, it’s just innocent curiosity. But if surveilling your ex’s social media has become a regular habit, you should probably set some personal boundaries.
“Checking your ex’s social media multiple times daily, analyzing their posts for clues about their emotional state, or creating fake accounts to monitor them indicates you’re stuck in the shock phase,” the experts shared. “This behavior feeds false hope and prevents emotional detachment.”
If you’re in this phase, make sure to address the lingering false hope so you can fully close the door before moving on.
3. You’re Avoiding New Opportunities for Connection
Look, if you’re not ready to date yet, don’t let anyone pressure you to do so. I can’t even tell you the number of times my well-meaning loved ones have pushed me to “get back out there” while I was still helplessly in love with my ex. I needed time to reflect, process, heal, and work on myself before I projected my own baggage onto a new partner.
However, if it’s been months of zero self-care and progress—and avoidance of any social interactions—you might want to have an honest self-check-in.
“Turning down social invitations, refusing to consider dating when you feel ready, or isolating yourself from friends suggests grief has become a protective shell,” the relationship specialists shared. “While some withdrawal is normal initially, prolonged isolation signals avoidance rather than healing.”
4. Romanticizing the Past While Ignoring Red Flags
When you break up with someone, it’s easy to only focus on the good times once they’re gone. However, this will feed your brain the false narrative that your relationship was healthier and more fulfilling than it truly was.
“When you find yourself only remembering the good times while conveniently forgetting the reasons the relationship ended, you’re engaging in unhealthy idealization,” Monsta Toys said. “This mental editing prevents genuine acceptance and growth.”
The post 4 Signs You’re Not Getting Over Your Ex Fast Enough appeared first on VICE.
