Courtesy of Juan Cruz Jr.
- My mom was diagnosed with cancer and dementia around the same time.
- Since she was there for me throughout my life, I wanted to be there for her at the end of hers.
- I flew to Georgia often to be with her, and I was there when she died.
Last summer, I received a call from my mother with devastating news. She had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. My world crashed, and I wept.
It brought back painful memories of my first wife, who had been diagnosed with cancer and died almost a year after the diagnosis at the age of 25.
So when I heard the dreaded word, only the worst-case scenario ran through my mind. How far advanced was it? How long did she have to live? The thought of losing my mother to cancer, when three years before I had lost my dad, felt like my world was coming to an end. I wasn’t present when my dad died in 2022 at the age of 86. I didn’t want to have that regret again.
Then, more bad news came around February 2025: She was diagnosed with dementia.
I knew I had to be by my mom’s side as much as possible as she began her journey of treating cancer and living with dementia.
Her love was constant and knew no bounds
Since I lived in Arizona and my mom lived in Georgia, I knew I had to spend as much time as I could with her. When I travelled for work, instead of heading back home to Arizona, I would head to Georgia and spend time with her.
From July 2024 to July 2025, I spent a week or two every month by my mom’s side, giving her the presence and attention that she had so freely and lovingly given me all my life.
As I spent time with her, I would reminisce about all the important events that my mom attended during my life. She never missed any of my graduations — from middle school to high school to college, and even my Army boot camp graduation. My mom had always been there for me.
She had even been there for me in not-so-joyful moments, such as the death of my first wife in 2001. She didn’t hesitate to be by my side and immediately flew from Georgia to New York, where I lived at the time.
I realized that spending as much time with her was not just about helping her with my presence during this difficult time; it was about honoring her for all the times that she had been there for me.
A scenic train ride and a lasting memory
When I reminisced, one of the best memories I had with my mom was in 2021. She had always wanted to ride the Blue Ridge Scenic Railway. I made that wish come true, and we took a memorable two-hour round trip.
During our two-hour layover before the return trip, we explored the towns of McCaysville and Copperhill, had a bite to eat, and enjoyed each other’s company. It was the only trip we had taken together as mother and adult son.
Mom thoroughly enjoyed the train ride. She smiled all the way — there and back.
This moment with my mom meant so much to me because it brought her joy to see a wish come true, and I was able to honor her with a simple yet meaningful gesture.
Watching my mom fade was painful, but being there meant everything
But spending time with my mom and reminiscing didn’t alleviate the pain of watching my mom fade. In early July, the medical professionals informed me that cancer had spread and that my mom only had weeks to live.
In the final weeks, I flew back to Georgia to be by my mom’s side — and to support my sister, who was the primary caretaker.
Watching my mom succumb to cancer was excruciating. Every morning when I would wake up, I would walk up to my mom’s bed, say good morning, and kiss her on the forehead.
Two weeks after I arrived for the final time to be next to mom, I held her hand and told her I loved her. She gave her final breath and passed.
I will cherish that moment forever — that I was able to be present and carry her memory for the rest of my life.
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