Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Sketchy Behavior
A book containing tributes to Jeffrey Epstein for his 50th birthday in 2003, many of them lewd, was released by the House Oversight Committee on Monday. One tribute, written on a card, was framed by a sketch of a naked woman’s silhouette, and it seemed to have been signed by President Trump.
Trump’s administration denied it was his signature, but Jimmy Kimmel said the “birthday book” had “turned into a gift that keeps on giving.” It also includes an image of Epstein holding a $22,500 novelty check, supposedly from Trump, that a real estate developer joked was for the purchase of a “fully depreciated” woman.
“We know the check probably isn’t real, because Trump only pays women when they sue him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“They say it doesn’t look like his signature. Sure does to me, especially when you compare it to other Trump signatures from that era — they’re almost exactly the same. They all end with a long ‘D,’ which I can only assume is Trump overcompensating for a small ‘D.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Now, of course, Trump completely denied this card even existed. And, just to be sure, they even asked the woman who compiled all of Jeffrey Epstein’s birthday cards, and, luckily, she had 20 years of free time.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“OK, OK, I know what we’re all thinking: That’s an excellent drawing, and I think Donald Trump might have a wonderful future as an artist.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“Look, now obviously, that’s a crappy drawing, but as a student of history, one thing I’ve learned is when a certain type of person dreams of being a great artist, we should encourage that instead.” — MICHAEL KOSTA, referring to Adolf Hitler
“‘We have certain things in common’ could mean anything. What are the things that we know about Epstein? He was a human trafficker, he was a pedophile — it could be any of those things.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“And you know what they say: If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, that duck should not be allowed within 300 yards of a school.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“He took one phone call from NBC News this morning. They asked about the letter; he said, ‘I don’t comment on something that’s a dead issue.’ Really? You’re still screaming about the election in 2016. You brought more dead things back to life than Dr. Frankenstein.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I know how to get him to admit he did this. All you have to do is say, ‘That drawing is great.’ He will immediately take credit for it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Hallmark Edition)
“According to The Wall Street Journal, Jeffrey Epstein’s estate has given Congress a copy of the infamous 2003 birthday book, including the letter signed by President Trump. ‘So you do remember birthdays!’ yelled Eric.” — SETH MEYERS
“OK, I’ll give Eric Trump a pass — he has no way of knowing what a birthday card from his father would look like.” — MICHAEL KOSTA
“[imitating Eric Trump] My dad certainly did not write birthday cards. My dad doesn’t even remember birthdays.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The fact of the matter is, Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein were close friends and gross friends.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yeah, it is gross, but, in Trump’s defense, Hallmark really doesn’t have too many options in the ‘Sex Trafficking Friends Turning 50’ section.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
On Tuesday’s “Late Show,” Eugene Levy reminisced about hosting last year’s Emmy Awards with his son and former “Schitt’s Creek” co-star, Dan.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
The singer-songwriter Kali Uchis will perform on “The Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Ten tastemakers and two New York Times staffers offer their choices for song of the summer.
The post Kimmel Calls Epstein’s ‘Birthday Book’ a ‘Gift That Keeps on Giving’ appeared first on New York Times.
